oprah!

one of the perks of my work place was this. i finally got to see oprah winfrey live. after watching her for years on tv and figuring out how to get on her show in chicago, i finally got to see her. all i did was enter my name on a website and i got a ticket! even though this lecture was for students and geared towards students, it was such an amazing experience and i feel so fortunate to have been there.

the thing about oprah is that she is so personable. it feels relatable as if she is your friend and that's probably a big problem for her. after she finished speaking, about 20 people rushed the stage towards her. you could see the panic and fear in her face. i was a little scared for her and luckily, her body guard(s) whisked her away to safety. but you know, i never thought that i would get to see her in my lifetime. check!

4th of july at the white house… no, really

when my lovely friend ying asked me if i wanted to spend the 4th of july at the white house, i said, why yes, i would. this, the day after purchasing a patio set for my balcony to watch the fireworks at the park across the street from my condo. while i really wanted to spend the 4th with my new neighbors at this bbq potluck, i had to break the news to them and let them down easy. needless to say, they were understanding.

the journey there was not as smooth as one would hope (my connecting flight to dc from dallas was canceled due to the tropical storms so i was stuck in dallas for a night), but it was all worth it. and yes, i did see the president! granted it was from a distance while waiting for popcorn without my camera or phone, it happened in a split second (okay, a little bit longer than that). i could see him wearing white and waving at us. it was quite exciting. the celebration was a lot of fun and i think we all felt very patriotic.

there was beer, wine, ice cream, popcorn, cotton candy, and of course, commemorative cups! that was the best part. we got one of each color (blue & red) but i could see others totally hoarding them. i think i saw 20 cups at one table! as a government employee, she could only bring 2 guests and her office wasn't invited last year so chances are, she won't be invited next year. the security wasn't bad considering the scope of the event. even the transportation home wasn't as bad as we thought it would be. we took the metro and didn't make it into the first train but with some forcing and squeezing our way in like sardines, we made it into the second train. after a few stops, the train emptied out.

the next day, we headed into dc to have brunch with my friend stephanie and see her two babies. i think the last time i saw her was at her wedding back in 2008! i hadn't realized it was 6 years ago that i was last there. i used to visit more often.

anyway, there was the annual folklife festival that weekend. it was actually the last weekend for the festival so i lucked out. they highlighted two countries, kenya and china. showcased at the festival were food, culture, and their respective performance arts. there was a stage in a tent for each country with singing and dancing. it was fun and educational!

when asked what i wanted to do on my last day there, i looked up "things to do in manassas." and what was the #1 thing to do? the battlefield of manassas. why yes, please. it was fantastic! out here in california, we have missions to visit. on the east coast, they have battlefields! apparently, there were two battles at manassas. the history there is amazing yet unimaginable.

i had so much fun! and i hope to be back soon!

mermaid run & mother's day brunch

on saturday, kelly and i did our first 5k together. it was her first 5k, my second (having done the turkey trot last thanksgiving). her girls run the little mermaid run which we also did after our 5k. it was 1.5 miles. though it was very hot and dusty there, it was a lot of fun spending time with kelly and her lovely family. so much fun that i spent the next morning with them for mother's day sunday brunch before heading over to my parents' house and celebrating mother's day with my mom.

kelly and i have known one another since the 6th grade (that's 1986) and have been friends ever since. we got closer when we went to uc san diego together and have been inseparable since i moved back to the bay area in 2001. despite having moved down to LA, i still saw her regularly because of a long distance relationship i had with a boyfriend there.

luckily, she eventually moved back up here. and now, i live less than 15 minutes away from her. our friendship has always been very special to me and i am so grateful for her and her family.

and these girls who i absolutely adore, it's been wonderful to watch them grow.

tsh levels finalized, finally

last april (2008), i had my last official body scan for my thyroid cancer. and in june, it was official. i'd beat cancer. yet, a problem still remained. my tsh levels were too high. while the main problem was gone, there was still something to worry about. it took 13 months, 28 days and 4 dosage adjustments. as of today (as declared earlier by dr. bruhn), my tsh levels are perfect. just where the good doc wants them. my next appointment with him is a year from now.

i think it's due time to celebrate in style, don't you?

welcome luc "oba" ma!!

luc was born on election day, november 4th @ 10:31pm & weighing 7 lbs 15 oz. congrats to my cousins who are the proud parents of this sweet sweet baby.

happy 300th blog post to me!

it's hard to believe that i've been actively blogging for nearly 4 years now. but it's 300 posts today! i know, fantastic huh?

in celebration of the 300th post, i've decided to write about my date last night. so there's this guy that i met from a temp job i was on in 2001, when i first moved back to the bay area. we went out once back then but it didn't really lead to anything but harmless flirtations. even after i'd left that assignment, i'd see him out and about in the city at random clubs. there was one unforgettably drunken night where i danced with him all night. there are some funny pictures from that night that are stored away somewhere on my computer at home. that was 2003.

the last time i saw him, it was at a wedding sometime in the fall of 2005. he was a groomsman and i was there with my ex. we didn't really have a chance to catch up that night. he'd instant message me randomly through the years. mostly, a hello, how are you here and there. he'd always ask me if i was married with kids.

a few months ago, i heard from him again. we chatted a bit. and kept chatting. even on the phone too. it was his birthday last week so i invited him to xanh for some pho you, pho me which is made with their very own special pho recipe. the noodles are hand-made and the beef is filet mignon. mmm... anyway, we planned to meet at the restaurant. we talked the entire time and ended up there until closing. i had a really good time with him. i'm kinda shocked about how well it went... and ended.

it's official...

i beat cancer's ass.*

*thanks to ro for the catchy phrase. :)

origins of "show your scars" aka showurscars

in 2001, i moved back to the bay area from san diego. i was going through a really tough break up. i'd found out that the man i thought i'd spend the rest of my life with wanted to spend his life with another. and so, i left. i took a personal leave from my job. packed up and relocated to the bay area. i didn't have a job. i didn't know what to do with myself. i couldn't sleep or eat. 15 pounds melted off of me in a matter of weeks. i felt dead inside. i cried for days. and couldn't imagine moving on with my life.

i moved in with my brother and his wife. they welcomed me with open arms and took care of me. i spent my time with my pregnant-at-the-time sis-in-law (with jaden). we walked and talked. window-shopped and stuffed ourselves with whatever our hearts desired. i started to feel brand new. refreshed. alive again. but i had all this anger. i actively tried yoga and meditation. in months time, armed with a slimmer body and a new wardrobe (donated from my sis-in-law), i got back to dating.

dating wasn't so easy. i'd been so badly burned that i didn't know how to ever let my guard down. when internet radio first came out (free), i stumbled upon this song by elbow. and it kinda spoke to me (see lyrics below). it was beautiful. guy garvey (singer of elbow) has this unnervingly romantic voice. the songs make you stop and listen to the lyrics, carefully. and to find meaning in the words. in relation to life. the song is called asleep in the back, also the title of the album. this love song is perfect in the way that it reflects how unfortunate real love can be. it starts off gentle and tender. slow and beautiful. even clumsy and one-sided. the song just spills out emotions and pain. in the second verse, i heard these three words. show. your. scars.

were you crushed
did i rush you
all my time is yours
my twisted heart is yours
the faithless shit is yours
the shameless fits of love that only smother you for moments
until i fold them up and leave
all yours
(chorus)
oh you had to ask didn't you
oh you had to know
show your scars
not to rush you
the hieroglyphic hints in all the toilet scrawl
guilty little pins
and all the things i never talk about
are spilling with the gin
test how tough you are
all yours
(chorus)
not to rush you

i suddenly had this revelation. it was okay that i had these emotional scars. that if i let my guard down just a bit, i'd work through these "scars" and even be better. also a reminder that no one is perfect. everyone has scars of all types. and that essentially, i'd be ok in the matters of love.

unofficial thyroid cancer survivor

it's unofficial because i'll have to hear it from my endocrinologist in june when i see him. he's in charge of my thyroid cancer. but this morning was my 5th year of body scans. most of the technicians (not to mention the doctor) have been there since my diagnosis in 2003. and most of them remember you. it's really nice to see a familiar face when you go through such a important yet very stressful ordeal.

i'd like to thank everyone who has supported me through the years. it's hard to imagine going through it without my friends and family. thank you all! i really couldn't do it without you. ♥

i ♥ ♥ jens lekman pt.2

venue: bottom of the hill (sold out!)
artist: jens lekman (soloact) & a horrendous opening act
who: ro
when: 23 mar 2008 (easter sunday)

yep, ro & i saw jens lekman two nights in a row. the two nights were different. the bimbo's show was bigger with a full band. and last night's show was him, his guitar and tammy from the band. oh yeah, the easter bunny came to last night's show too.

the opening act was called something-claro (with a rolling rrrrr). as soon as he started singing, he lost me. i was answering work emails (thank goodness for my phone). it was the longest set ever. and one of the worst openings i'd had to endure in a long time. his songs were repetitive. and the worst part was that he couldn't shut the fuck up inbetween his songs. ugh. if he didn't talk between his songs, it would have felt like one long boring song. thinking about that guy gives me a headache.

during the opening act, EVERYONE was talking and no one was listening. when jens lekman came on, it was completely silent. you could hear the bar serving drinks. and again, he was better than perfect. the sound there is pretty awesome too. the only negative thing for me, personally, is that i couldn't really see. but that's sort of the case at most venues. especially the small venues. that is, if i'm not sitting at the bar or something. the bottom of the hill is a much smaller venue compared to bimbo's. the song list was slightly different. and songs were played differently as well. he transition into songs without a beat and seamlessly. he can really bellow out those notes. he's amazing. it's hard to believe he wrote black cab when he was 18.

during the encore, he sang se a vida é (that's the way life is) by the pet shop boys from their bilingual album. jens's version was slow and beautiful. this show was really very special.
after the show, he had this sort of meet & greet thing. after the last two shows at bimbo's, he says he will come down and dance with the audience. we never stayed for those. and i rarely make the effor to meet musicians unless they are at their merch table. jens was different. i actually wanted to wait around with the rest of the crowd to meet him and get a picture. we waited a bit and followed the crowd to the smoking area outside. he was singing with his guitar. after which, i squeezed my way to the front to get a closer look and the chance to tell him how much i ♥'d him. he is so much cuter up close. he's tall, skinny, young and cute. and has the coolest white shoes. he's also as funny and down to earth in person as he is on stage. i was so nervous and as a result, was a total retard. i kinda froze. told him how much i enjoyed all three shows and glad he did this afterwards because i could barely see him from where i was. and then, he hugged me! i don't think i've ever hugged a rock star before. well, maybe we hugged the caesars but that was after hanging out with them all night long. anyway, i think i'm still feeling shiny & happy from last night.

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
i would have seen him a third night if he played another show in the area, alas, he is in portland tonight...

the start of something?

i was very excited about my date with bernie on saturday. he called in the afternoon to touch base on our plans (like he said he would). he suggested sushi, i said i love sushi! we were on for dinner at 7p. i would pick him up where he was staying. he texted me the address and i was ready.

but i got a call from my parents asking if i could pick up the kids from vietnamese school. the school is just down the street from us and i had car seats so i said i would. what they didn't bother to tell me, according to trang, was that they were supposed to babysit. i told trang, as long as she or my brother got home by 6p so i can leave, it would be fine.

6pm rolls around and nothing. i'm rushing around getting ready, throwing clothes here and there. the kids were hungry so i had to feed them. there was leftover food and dirty dishes everywhere. i thought, ok, i'm not going to worry about that stuff. but what do i do with the kids?? i had to leave, now! so i tell them to put their shoes on and i was going to drop them off at my parents. as soon as i was about to load them into the car, i saw the garage close with my brother's car inside. so i yelled his name and he opened the garage. saved! the kids ran inside and i was ready to go. except, i still needed gas for the car. i texted bernie, running late, had to babysit & need to fill up but on my way!

i got there around 7:30p and i was really nervous. we'd had this great phone conversation. he seemed really cool so far. he calls when he says he will or when i ask him to. so far, this guy was perfect. and as it turns out, cuter than i'd remembered. we have dinner at this cute sushi place in japantown. it's tiny. i have this funny wasabi story i tell. and it's also a good way to tell someone about my thyroid cancer. since i've lived with it for 4 years now, it's not so hard for me to talk about it.

the story goes... one time (at band camp, heehee), i lost my taste buds. i'd undergone radiation treatment and it was maybe a month or so later. all of a sudden, in the middle of the day, i couldn't taste anything. the duration of the lost of taste buds was about 2 weeks. during which, i'd gone out to eat sushi. and i thought, since i can't taste the wasabi, why not put the whole ball in with my soy sauce? afterwards, i still couldn't taste anything and for a second i was fine... until my eyes began to water and my nose started to run, profusely. while my mouth couldn't and didn't react to it, the rest of my body did! it was pretty funny.

bernie was really concerned for me. and shared his health issues with me. it's crazy and scary that your body starts to fall apart when you get older. but, that's the process of aging. we talked about everything and anything. until the restaurant closed. we weren't done hanging out so he took me to this wine bar. i have no clue where it was. it was in a really nice neighborhood where there was no parking. after we finally found decent parking, it was a nice walk to the wine bar. he offered his arm to me while walking down the hill. he said he always offers his arm to ladies walking downhill in heels. i just figured he was giving me a reason to hold on to him. but i could see that it was that he was a gentleman.

at the wine bar, we talked more openly. it's where it all came out. there, i told him that if he was as cool as he seemed, i was going to be upset that he was leaving. he told me how happy he was when i first texted him. even though he got it at 3 or 4 in the morning in hong kong. then he held my hands. and told me he really wanted to kiss me. i remember him saying this at popscene (yes, i know, i didn't mention it below). it was so cute. i couldn't say no to him at popscene and i couldn't say no to him this time. so i leaned in and kissed him. before we knew it, the wine bar was closing. and we were off again, but where?

he hadn't been in the country for a few months and didn't really know where to take me. he was staying with friends and i didn't really want to go back there to hang out. so despite having left my apartment like there was an explosion, lisa wasn't home and it was an option. i asked him, do you want to come back to san jose with me? he answered, as long as you don't mind dropping me off here tomorrow.

in the car, he held my hand for a bit. still making me laugh non-stop. i don't know what it was about him. something really special. at popscene, there was something then but i didn't know what. i still don't know if i know. my concept of time during this date was completely obsolete. i don't remember when we got back to san jose, at all. but he loved the view and the apartment despite the mess. he didn't seem to care. he just wanted to be with me. and i wanted to be with him.

we hung out until 2p on sunday afternoon. it was a lot of talking, kissing, holding and cuddling. something i've never done for so many hours. with anyone in one sitting. not even with the live-in bfs. and i think we would have stayed in bed much longer had it not been for hunger and thirst. damn those essential life necessities.

we had waffles and pancakes on the way back up to the city. i dropped him off and was already getting sad. he held my hand in the car. and kissed me when he left. said he would try to have dinner with me before he left if he could finish all his stuff.

i'd never had such an amazing time with someone i'd just met. it was so open and comfortable. i don't think we tried very hard to impress one another. at least, i couldn't tell. it was so genuine. i'm completely thrown off. it's bizarro. but now, i'm so very sad. :(

in memory

dochi pham
1974-2006

his holiness, the dalai lama

last friday, i was given an opportunity of a lifetime. i got two complimentary reserved tickets to see the dalai lama talk on nonviolence. the last time his holiness was here was in 1994 and tickets for all 3 events had been sold out for months. i went with my sister-in-law's brother, dochi. he's a big buddhist and has a tibetan name that means being a rare diamond. we sat next to these vietnamese ladies who knew him, his tibetan name and how they met him. it was very cool.

the talk was political and a bit on the dry side. but the q & a afterwards was great. words to describe being there and the dalai lama...

amazing. humble. hopeful. positive. intelligent. humorous. playful. genuine. so down-to-earth.

it was so wonderful to know that he didn't have all the answers (who does?). and that in the presence of such greatness, he just seemed like a sweet old man. especially with all that he's been through, being exiled from his home country, he was just so positive and made me want to be a better person.