origins of "show your scars" aka showurscars

in 2001, i moved back to the bay area from san diego. i was going through a really tough break up. i'd found out that the man i thought i'd spend the rest of my life with wanted to spend his life with another. and so, i left. i took a personal leave from my job. packed up and relocated to the bay area. i didn't have a job. i didn't know what to do with myself. i couldn't sleep or eat. 15 pounds melted off of me in a matter of weeks. i felt dead inside. i cried for days. and couldn't imagine moving on with my life.

i moved in with my brother and his wife. they welcomed me with open arms and took care of me. i spent my time with my pregnant-at-the-time sis-in-law (with jaden). we walked and talked. window-shopped and stuffed ourselves with whatever our hearts desired. i started to feel brand new. refreshed. alive again. but i had all this anger. i actively tried yoga and meditation. in months time, armed with a slimmer body and a new wardrobe (donated from my sis-in-law), i got back to dating.

dating wasn't so easy. i'd been so badly burned that i didn't know how to ever let my guard down. when internet radio first came out (free), i stumbled upon this song by elbow. and it kinda spoke to me (see lyrics below). it was beautiful. guy garvey (singer of elbow) has this unnervingly romantic voice. the songs make you stop and listen to the lyrics, carefully. and to find meaning in the words. in relation to life. the song is called asleep in the back, also the title of the album. this love song is perfect in the way that it reflects how unfortunate real love can be. it starts off gentle and tender. slow and beautiful. even clumsy and one-sided. the song just spills out emotions and pain. in the second verse, i heard these three words. show. your. scars.

were you crushed
did i rush you
all my time is yours
my twisted heart is yours
the faithless shit is yours
the shameless fits of love that only smother you for moments
until i fold them up and leave
all yours
(chorus)
oh you had to ask didn't you
oh you had to know
show your scars
not to rush you
the hieroglyphic hints in all the toilet scrawl
guilty little pins
and all the things i never talk about
are spilling with the gin
test how tough you are
all yours
(chorus)
not to rush you

i suddenly had this revelation. it was okay that i had these emotional scars. that if i let my guard down just a bit, i'd work through these "scars" and even be better. also a reminder that no one is perfect. everyone has scars of all types. and that essentially, i'd be ok in the matters of love.