28 July 2008

thoughts & dreams

as i hype myself up for my upcoming trip to chicago, there have been random thoughts going on in my head. as a result, have been producing some bizarro dreams.

a couple of weeks ago, i was contacted by an old friend i met through my ex from san diego. at first, it was a little strange since i didn't really like any of his female friends. but i found a kindred spirit in her. when she called for him, i found myself chatting it up with her more and more. this was nearly 10 years ago. when he and i broke up in 2001, her friendship meant a great deal to me. it was as if we'd been friends all along sans him.

she moved to chicago for medical school after 2001. chicago is an endearing city to me because i almost made it my home in 1999. my ex got into northwestern for medical school and although he never asked me to move for him, he made inferences to it. for instance, he said med students who have significant others with them do better in medical school. so i started to look for jobs in the area. we made a trip there to find housing. and ended up signing a lease with a deposit made on a quaint 2-bedroom little house by the school. but when it came closer to our move date, he got into the med school at ucsd, which was where we were. he asked me, where do you want to go? since i had a job in san diego and had a place, i told him i wanted to stay. and after his first year at ucsd, he blamed me for having such a difficult time there. i blame him for being such a stupid ass.

anyway, i moved back to the bay area in early 2001. and our friend ended up in chicago after all these years. i lost touch with her when i was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2003. i lost touch with a lot of people. recently, she instant messaged me out of the blue. it was perfect timing as i am planning a trip to chicago. sunday night, we found time to catch up over the phone. it was really nice hearing her voice again. she told me that she had contact with my ex about 6 months ago. that he was doing a fellowship at the children's hospital there. and they met up for coffee. weird that he ended up there after all these years. it turns out that he has not changed, at all. but this wasn't news to me.

lately though, i've had these disturbing dreams of getting back together with him. this has happened twice now within this past week. and i don't know why. well, it's from recently being contacted and told that about him being in chicago. really strange as i have nothing but repulsed feelings towards him. second thought, it might be interesting to run into him after all this time.