mancott unofficially over, i think?

um... it turns out that my mancott may be over a little early. i think this incident kinda makes it over, right?

christmas eve

we had our family christmas celebration at my parents' house on christmas eve so our brothers can spend christmas with their in-laws'. plus, it was my mom's birthday. we also had cousins tony and justin over. it was nice to see them. i haven't seen tony and his family in a while. justin was down from oregon sans his family. it was a nice and small gathering. tons of food. ugh, i stuffed myself silly.

it was a little bittersweet being with my family during christmas. i've spent the last two christmases in boston. although it feels like ted never happened (thanks to osoms), i enjoyed spending time with the parkers. especially his mother, paula. she and her husband (ted sr.) were both so nice and always hospitable to me. the last time i was there, paula told me that ted and i would have beautiful children. a little sad, isn't it? i never really said goodbye to them. honestly, i think it was because i never wanted to have to say goodbye to them. they are really good people. it still amazes me that ted could have come from that family. bygones.

anyway, i hope that everyone has a lovely and safe christmas!

Linda, you're single because you don't want to commit

um... so i took this test on tickle.com and here are my results:

Once the blush of first love wears off with your partners, do you get a little antsy? You probably crave excitement in all realms of your life, and you need a relationship to keep you filled with possibilities. Let us guess: Someone has probably told you that you haven't quite grown up yet, that you're still holding out for the perfect "whatevers" (job, car, home, date) in your life to come a knockin'. Or perhaps you're just having a difficult time accepting that your comfortable little place in this world is always growing, always evolving — and that means you have to be willing to accept big life changes, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that. After all, you're probably a lot of fun to be around and may be the life of the party.

But when it comes to settling down, you leave without looking back twice. Now's the time to ask yourself: Why? What's holding you back? Maybe you don't want someone to get to know you fully? Perhaps by saying "yes" to someone, you're afraid you'll lose yourself, or the possibility of something better coming along. Just remember that the best relationships are those that never stop growing. That's something you can identify with, right? So keep that in mind next time you find someone you're really comfortable with. You never know, it may prove even more exciting once you really get to know each other, teensy flaws and all.

surprisingly, it kinda makes me feel better about being single. not sure if i agree with the explanation above. at least the next time someone asks me why i'm not married or why i'm single, i can say, it's because i don't want to commit. hahah

monday events

*** yeah, yeah, i'm back dating again***

on monday, i had two events. . .

the first one started in the morning. it was my second opinion for my blocked tear duct condition. i met with an otolaryngologist (ear-nose-throat physician) to get an endoscopic dcr done on me. the initial procedure was the external dcr which leaves an unnoticeable scar on the side of my nose. i already have a few unnoticeable scars in my upper body. i'd really rather not have one in the middle of my face. would you? especially if there is a similar procedure that doesn't leave a scar.

anyway, so the ent doctor gave me his typical exam. he checked my ears (fine), my throat (fine), but my nose was a problem. apparently, i have a deviated septum in my left nasal cavity. and it's a little deviated in the right cavity as well. he sprayed my nose with the most distasteful anesthetic (i suppose they are all distasteful), then stuck this probe up my nose so he can take a look. i know, gross huh? hahah. so, he started with the right side, and it went up pretty far. so far that it made me tear a bit and without the help of my blocked tear duct, er, on my left side. when he tried the left cavity, apparently, it's so deviated that the probe couldn't move. ugh.

my doctor had asked me if any of the two opthalmologists that i'd seen told me what or why was the cause of my blocked tear duct. i couldn't really remember because, well, they didn't really say. i remember something along the lines of dirt. but it would have been years of dirt build up, hence, most of the patients with this condition are very elderly. then, he asked me about allergies. when did i get them. year round, i told him. and he asked me if i snore, um, i used to but i think i've got it kinda under control. i'm mostly sleeping alone anyway so who cares? i did not just admit to the public that i snore, did i? uh... back to the doctor, he said that this deviated septum could be the cause of one and all. that if we fix it, it could take care of everything, including the blocked tear duct! it would be like a one-stop shop, kinda.

the causes of a deviated septum are as follows:

getting punched/hit in the face;
trauma of some sort;
and being born that way, the septum never developed correctly, which turns out to be the case for me.

before scheduling the surgery, he wanted me to go on flonase and this other nasal spray for a month. he mentioned that might solve it. anything to avoid surgery. so far, it's helped with my breathing but my eye is still very teary. the air way in my left nasal cavity is barely breathable. it's strange that i never stopped to notice. isn't it? i suppose i was overcompensating with my right side. strange. so, i go back in a month to see him.

my second event was dinner with my work colleague. the so-called date, which proved not to be a date so much anyway. as it felt totally and utterly platonic. maybe some of you men can clue me in because i just can't seem to figure him out. and perhaps there's nothing to try to figure out. i guess that would be best, just not to think more about it than i have to.

we agreed to meet downstairs at around 6-6:30p. he showed up at my office at about 6p almost on the dot. maybe he was just waiting around, who knows? so we leave together and he drives us to the restaurant. here's some background info... basically, i told him about my brother's restaurant in downtown mt. view. he'd mentioned he liked this other place that was similar. so i said to him, hey, i think you might like it here. he said mt. view was a bit of a ways from home (sf) but that he had friends he hadn't seen in mt. view. the next day or so, slyly, i emailed him the web address and say, hey, if they can't go, i'll go. just let me know! and he did. he said it would be fun to go with me. heehee. there was some tiny bit of flirting going on in between the emails. but it ended with, sure, it would be fun to have dinner with you again. weeks passed and nothing else. finally, about two weeks ago, we were alone in the office after hours and having our somewhat usual-after-hours chat. as i was about to leave, he asked if/when we were going to have dinner? i said i would get back to him. that's the gist of the background.

back to 6p... this is when we started talking. and it continued to when we were at dinner. we talked about work, friends, life, family, love, events, mostly everything. he said that he was glad i was in the office. he said that a few times actually. he knew that i'd applied to a different position, (not sure i remember telling him this myself) but even though he knew i could run an office somewhere else, it might be nice that i stay a bit longer. it was endearing of him to say. isn't it? very sweet really. i don't quite know how i brought up ted, (i think i was saying how i never keep in touch with my exes), but i mentioned ted. and he asks me, was he the one you brought to last year's department dinner? i'm thinking, shoot, i don't remember you being there! i did in fact bring ted to last year's dinner. it's quite amazing that he remembers. that he might have noticed me back then. we ate and talked until nearly 10p. when he dropped me off at my car, we both said, that was fun... uh, bye. and that was it.

despite the lack of obvious interest the night before, he walked by my office about 10x on tuesday. going to the storage room, to drop something off in the students' mail box, etc. he didn't really say anything as he repeatedly walked by. just a smile here and there. i never see him that many times in a day without purposely trying to. this whole thing is really odd. after talking to lisa about it, she thinks he's got these new feelings for me. that apparently, he has no idea what to do with. not sure what to do with that. i suppose there's really nothing to do with it. so nothing, it is!

my lovely cousin

happy birthday caroline! i had too much fun. i can't believe you're already 22! where did the time go??

thyroid update

today, i saw my endocrinologist who takes care of my thyroid cancer. i only see him 4 times a year now. the first two years, i saw him about every other month. i have him to thank for a great deal of how i was able to deal with the cancer. he's an excellent physician, knows his stuff like the back of his hand, has great resources (like sending my biopsy samples to the guy that wrote the textbook on thyroid disease as well as sending me to my surgeon who left me with a barely noticeable scar - will post pics soon), and best of all, he calls me dear almost every time i see him. which if you haven't had to deal with any health issues is really comforting when it's needed most by someone you need it most from. the person taking care of you.

back to the update. my doctor recently got married, i can tell by the change in attitude. despite his previous slightly bitter regard on life (he used to give me advice about love and marriage when i was with ted), he seemed happier. plus, i saw that he was sporting a new wedding ring. anyway, he checked my levels, my weight, my neck to make sure nothing has sprouted out in place of my thyroid, and my breathing. he even checked my blood pressure even though his nurse took it before he came it. he never does that. he said i was in perfect condition for my condition. i guess i'm progressing nicely despite the stress i've taken on this past year. it's just so reassuring when you know that your physician genuinely cares about you while he is caring for you. makes me smile just thinking about it...

two more body scans (equals 2 more years) and i only get to see him once a year after that. :(

mancott conversation with myself

could i go on a date if i'm on a mancott? probably not.

perhaps, it's potentially not a date, just dinner with a work colleague. right?

dinner with a work colleague i'm attracted to isn't really a date. riight.

another year - the big 3-2

some random updates... and back dating...

a couple of weeks ago, after the beautiful south show, i did some research on my pending eye surgery. the procedure is called a dacryocystorhinostomy (dcr for short) and the one that my opthalmologist scheduled me for is the external dcr which involves an incision on the side of my nose. well, i've discover (thanks to the internet) that there is a endoscopic version of the dcr which is done through your nose and typically by an ent physician. some opthalmologists do both but apparently, mine does not, as he didn't not even mention the endoscopic dcr version to me. i'm guessing, he wants the business, obviously. damn greedy doctor. so, i've cancelled the dcr scheduled in december and on the same date, have scheduled an appointment with an ent to discuss my options for the endoscopic dcr surgery. it's bad enough that i'm constantly teary in my left eye but the prospect of having a scar right in the smack middle of my face is enough to try something new. actually, the endoscopic dcr has been around for over 25 years. and the success rates of both the endoscopic and external procedures are essentially the same. the external dcr success rate is only a little bit higher but there are more chances for side-effects and infection, not to mention that scar. and if the procedure guarantees a 50% improvement, so be it. anything is better than what it is now.

what else... my roommate is finally moving out. yes, i have a roommate. she moved in during the summer and is my sister-in-law's friend from high school going through her second divorce. i know, yikes. she's only 33. now that she is moving out, my sister is moving in. it's going to be nice to have her back in the house again.

and it looks like i have less than a month and a half until my mancott is over. maybe. depending on my mood, i think i might file a few extensions. who knows.

last but least, the big 3-2 years of age tomorrow. i've been telling everyone that i was 32 so it doesn't feel different. 31 is such an ugly sounding age anyway. yeah, i'm happy actually.

hot chip @ the mezzanine

venue: the mezzanine (completely sold out!)
artist: hot chip
who: betty
when: 17 november 2006 (friday)
doors open at 9p

this time, we arrived 2 hours late and luckily, hot chip had not started. there was an opening band that was horrendous. so much that i don't remember their name. actually, i rarely remember the opening bands. we were just dying for them to finish up already. the mezzanine is an interesting venue. it's pretty spacious and there is a second floor with private rooms that were occupied with parties. they closed off the areas but you could still get through. and we did. we found our spot right up there next to a private party. i kept thinking someone was going to tell us we couldn't be there. but surprisingly, no one was the wiser.

the stage at the mezzanine is much smaller than that of the last show at the independent. actually, the independent seemed much bigger and better than the mezzanine. not sure why i detest the mezzanine venue so much. i just do. since the stage is smaller, the band could not rock out to their full potential as we'd seen at the last show. in addition, there are these huge columns in the middle of the venue and granted, they are required to support the structure of the building, it's a major obstruction of view to the stage. i think it makes more sense that the mezzanine is a dance club rather than a concert venue. greedy and sucky bastards.

i don't know if it was the lack of stage space or my foul mood of being at the mezzanine that made hot chip lose a bit of their contagious energy. it was still a great show but just not up to par as that at the independent back in august. watching the 5-6 cramped men on stage trying to rock out while playing their synthesizers and miscellanous instruments, just wasn't ideal for everyone. especially the band. but they made the most of it and gave a great show, which i very much appreciated. plus, you can't beat a $12 show!

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

superb

venue: the fillmore
band: the beautiful south
who: betty
when: 11 november 2006 (friday)
doors open at 9p

once again, i missed the first part of the beautiful south show. this time, it wasn't a delayed flight. more like, a delayed friend. that's right, it was betty. assuming that there was an opening band, we arrived sometime past 10p. at least this time, it was only an hour later. i'm told we missed 20-30 minutes which isn't so bad except that the tickets cost $40 and there was no opening band and they only played for about an hour or so more.

otherwise, the show was awesome. paul heaton is brilliant. and so cute doing his little dances on stage. and utterly flawless in his singing. without any obvious effort as well. wish he would do some housemartin songs...

the new female vocalist sounded just like the one prior. they are both folky-sounding which give the beautiful south a more folky sound, unfortunately, that is. but i know i can't really blame the ladies for that. betty and i missed song for whoever which they played early on. bummer, that's one of my favorites by them. ugh, not sure what else we missed.

also, they did two encores! they left the stage and came back twice!! who cares about their fans that much? i've never seen that happen.

betty, if you are reading this, you know i love you... but you've really got to start doing something about this tardiness, i'm not sure how much more i can handle it.

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (despite missing the first half hour)

shop like you mean it

on wednesday (the first day of the sale), i got these brown suede ankle boots. i got these from my shoe guy at the valley fair store.
and on thursday, i got the black pumps at the stanford store. the evil sales guy brought out the brown ones too. i was tempted but said no. aren't they pretty??

that's right, voxtrot again

venue: great american music hall (gamh)
band: voxtrot
who: betty
when: 4 november 2006 (saturday)
doors open at 9p

betty and i had dinner tickets this time which guaranteed us a balcony seat. so, we sat right up front just to the left, and above the band. which was great for spying on people. somehow, in the dark, i found will in the crowd below us. with two girls. one seemed particularly close to him. turns out, that's his girlfriend. or some girl he's really close with. there was a lot of pda going on which tells me that the relationship is fairly new. no wonder he hasn't been to popscene. she wasn't particularly pretty either. and i'm not saying that because i'm jealous. well, i am but not of her. she was a little pudgy too. i've decided that i'm out of his league. judging from the women he has dated, i'm not assertive enough. and i actually care what i look like. which seems to go against the grain in the women he likes. oh well, his loss.

back to voxtrot... i forget the opening bands. magic bullets and someone else. i think will was distracting me during their set. voxtrot was exactly what i expected. three words to describe them: fun, amazing, energy. they were awesome. the set was longer. they played songs i hadn't heard. songs i wanted to hear. thinking about them makes me want to break out in a dance! their bass player looks a little like topher grace from that 70's show. he was totally rockin' out! and very fun to see that they like their music as much as i do!

i'm soooo glad i saw them again (3rd time this year).

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (loooved them)

update on my blocked tear duct

surgery. apparently, since the 2 intubations didn't work, the only thing left is to cut open the side of my nose, unblock the blockage, put some plates to keep it unblocked and close it back up. oh, and hope that it doesn't get infected so the scar is minimal. ugh.

i'm in the process of getting a second opinion. but i'm scared...

soft and warm

venue: 330 ritch (popscene)
band: voxtrot & love is all
who: betty & will
when: 2 november 2006 (thursday)
doors open at 9p

i first heard voxtrot back in may. they opened for elefant and blew me away. i couldn't even think straight or chat with betty during their set. i had to stop and listen. it was the strangest feeling. i never get that way about live music. it made me feel soft and warm all over.

last night, they played at popscene with love is all. we got there during the love is all set and didn't pay much attention as i was stalking ramesh (singer of voxtrot) without trying to be so obvious about it. he's actually a very little man. short and skinny but cute. not sure if i was successful. for some reason, he kept moving away. then we found will. ♥

voxtrot have 3 new songs. i got the cd single. and a cute shirt (will post pic of it later). very very exciting! it was a short set and we were close to the stage for once. i never care about bands at popscene. ramesh is cute, spunky, and full of energy. voxtrot is a great live band. not only do they sound awesome, they are awesome. they are fun and happy on stage. it's refreshing to see a band not just stand there and play.

can't wait to see them at the gamh tomorrow!

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (obviously)

coercive child-begging

on halloween, i went trick-or-treating with my brother, sister-in-law and their two kids. it's been ages since i've gone. i think the last time i went was for myself. and that was probably middle school for me. while i was probably too old for it, i still looked like i was 10. i remember filling up my pillow cases with candy. halloween was as good as christmas.

it's such a shame that halloween has been ruined for the kids these days. all the hooligans, freaks and psychos out there preying on poor innocent children. i remember the streets being full of kids in cheap plastic costumes with those hard-to-wear-masks. the costumes now are so much better than they were back in the day. and having gone again after nearly 20 years, i was pleasantly surprised to see people still in the mood to scare children, in a good way.

we had dinner in mountain view so we went to the neighborhood next to castro. the first house we went to had no candy. she gave the kids quarters. she said that they never got trick-or-treaters. so we moved on to a different neighborhood. the older the homes, the better. we came to one house where superman answered the door. then he called out for wonder woman to come see the trick-or-treaters. lo and behold, it was both wonder woman and superman! harry potter was so in awe, that he was totally speechless and forgot to say the 3 magic words. it was awesome.

as for me, after walking in 4 inch heels all day and night, i was ready to call it a day. while my brother and sister-in-law took the kids to grandma & grandpa's house, i went home. to do some ironing.

what a wild night. hope everyone had a fun halloween!

this morning

i was on the train heading to work when we stopped in sunnyvale, i see this couple rushing to get a train ticket. then they give each other a quick kiss goodbye. the girlfriend gets on the train and the boyfriend is standing there seeing her off. he finds her at her seat and is waving to her in the most gay way possible. if i didn't see them together, i would have guessed he was totally gay. while watching him wave at her, he does this catching gesture as if she'd blown him a kiss and put it in his pocket. it made me to want to barf. which made me think twice whether i can claim to be an incurable romantic. i mean, this is just pure cheese, isn't it?

maybe i'm just bitter that none of my boyfriends have seen me off on the train and caught pretend kisses i supposedly blew at them. and cliff, doesn't really count when he used to see me off at the bart station. we weren't officially together back then. lame.

confirmed distraction

i so have a crush on one of my faculty. the older one. even though, he has the same first name as my brother, not to mention is the same age. weird, i know. isn't it? the long hair is kinda weird too but since he ties it back, it gives the illusion of short hair (right muffin?). anyway, i was chatting it up with him the other day. he just gets nicer and cuter. ugh. still on my mancott though. oh well.

i was thinking about ted today. about whether i loved him or not. i don't think i did. i wanted to so badly because i didn't want douglas to be the only one i said those 3 words to. lame. i was talking to my sis-in-law the other day about douglas, how she thought he was in love with the person i am now, how i am single. strong. slim. fun. when i'm in a relationship, i'm this pathetic useless person. and a fatty. totally lame. how do i stop myself from becoming that girl again? stay single. i think that's the answer.

the warfield after a 4 year hiatus

venue: the warfield
band: clap your hands say yeah & architecture in helsinki (2nd opening)
who: betty, lou & ro
when: 13 october 2006 (yep, friday the 13th)
doors open at 7p

the last time i was at the warfield was the travis show in... i think it was 2002 because i was still "friends" with smella. and um, still with cliff. i still have the travis cd he sent me prior to going to the show. anyway, bygones.

i discovered aih while listening to my musicmatch radio. i forget which band i put in. it was probably hot chip or death cab. i put a couple of aih's songs on my wishlist to download. later, i just put all their songs i could listen to on my playlist. this was before i found out they were opening for cyhsy. when tix went on sale for cyhsy and i saw that aih was opening for them, i was uber excited!

when they first came on stage, i didn't know it was them. i thought it was the first opening band. we got there sometime before 9p and didn't think they had started. the first song was really noisy and very 80's, in a bad way. there was all this energy on stage, reminiscent to the hot chip show. the second song was one that i recognized and i had this look of shock on my face when i realized it was aih rather than the sucky first band (who may not have sucked at all since we missed them) we assumed them to be. the band members all switched off playing different instruments and took turns singing. it felt like a theatre production. a musical of some sort. it was the coolest thing. they were so engaging and fun.

they even embraced friday the 13th by bringing a mirror onto the stage and breaking it. as well as opening up an umbrella though it took cameron bird a while to get it open. it was quite entertaining. he read some story during the whole thing.

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (loved them!)

after aih, we were totally hyped up for cyhsy. but they weren't as good. they were a little boring. the lead singer, alec ounsworth was totally bored singing all the old songs. and actually, we were bored with him. i felt sleepy in the middle of their set and before they could come back for their encore, we decided to scram. that was enough disappointment for me. and many others as we all rushed to leave the warfield.

rating: ♥ (that's right, one ♥)

superbi

the beautiful south has a new album called superbi. their last album came out in 2004 but i didn't pay much attention as there was no tour. well, not to my knowledge. i've only ever seen them play once and it was in 2000. at the time, i lived in san diego. i flew up to the bay area for the show. there was a storm and my flight that was supposed to have left at 4p (the show started at 9p), was delayed so late that i missed half of the show. despite the ordeal getting there, the half of the show i did catch was awesome.

with a new album in tow (and on its way to me via amazon), they are scheduled to play at the fillmore (again) on friday, 10 november. they are only playing 4 shows in the states so this is very very special. i read somewhere once that they would play more shows in the states, except, it actually costs them money to play here so they don't come very often.

as you can imagine, seeing them live is not only very exciting (for me) but an extremely rare event as well.

google-stalking again

this time, i google-stalked myself. and after filtering through countless women with the same name, i came upon this link. if you go down to 30 august, you'll see my name amongst many who won a new order contest. i think i actually still have the t-shirt? not sure, it was too big. i meant to give it away to louis. i hope i did!

anyway, it's kinda random but cool. i keep forgetting that i did that. hahaha.

nervous habit

so, i have this bizarro nervous habit that makes me look like a retard. i do this thing with my lips which keeps me from speaking clearly. and i'm already stumbling over my words because i'm nervous. on top of that, my lips (if you know me, you know that they are kinda full sized) are in the way!

last night, there was a work dinner and i was seated next to a colleague whom i hardly speak to. mostly because he's a little intimidating. i was the only one sitting next to him (there were two empty seats to his left) so we were talking almost the entire time. i was surprised how nice and funny he is. i thought there would be these uncomfortable silences but he always said something when our conversations ended.

i realized i was nervous after seeing someone else there and interestingly, noticed how i didn't have to struggle with my lips when speaking with him. weird huh?

silversun pickups & the rickshaw

venue: the rickshaw
band: silversun pickups & viva voce (opening)
who: lou & ro
when: 28 september 2006 (thursday)
doors open at 9p

last thursday, i saw the silversun pickups (from LA) with my friends louis and romano. the show was sold out. i'd only heard their old stuff on musicmatch. lou & ro had only heard their new stuff. it was a nice balance. there were two opening bands. i don't remember the first one but the second band was viva voce. i think they were from oregon. according to the guys, the singer was cute and that certainly added to their appeal. i thought she was ok.

it was my first time at the rickshaw. they have actual rickshaws there. it's kinda fun. it was a small venue. nice and hip. apparently, it's some indian club on the weekend sometime. i think it'd be fun to go to.

the silversun pickups were quite good. i was impressed. i was especially excited when they played their old stuff. i'd been listening to it non-stop since will told me about them. i thoroughly enjoyed the show. and to think that ro thought they were too rock 'n roll for me. and that he'd been filtering out such bands on my mixed cds he'd been giving me. but he knows better now.

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

emily haines of metric

venue: café du nord (sold out)
artist: emily haines & the soft skeleton
who: betty, cousin lam & nina (again!)
when: 22 september 2006 (friday)
show starts at 9p, dinner reservations at 8:45p

yeah yeah, i'm back-dating but who cares...

i went to this show with my cousins lam & nina (future cousin) and betty. the great thing about café du nord is being able to get dinner reservations (with a $15 minimum) to get great seats. betty and i did this for trashcans back in 2004. the food is actually really good too. i had the steak entree we always end up spending more than $15/person but it's nice that we don't have to. and this time, it was lam's treat. thanks cousin! xoxo!

we got there a little late, they said to be there at least 30 minutes before your reservation but we didn't get there until close to 9p. which was fine because they hadn't even set up the tables yet. we had the same waitress as last time. i remember her because she was cool. we parked at the mortuary again, $10. it's just a block away. not bad considering parking in the castro is horrendous most of the time.

after getting settled with our dinner (we ordered at the bar), emily haines started the show soon after. the show was sold out and they added a late show at midnight so they got right to the point. she chatted us up more this time than she did at the metric show. her music is a lot more mellow than metric. it was like having her in my living room and just hanging out. she's got a great voice. it's really sultry and sexy. there was a picture show coordinating with the music. it was a nice artsy touch.

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥

the little things in life

...are what seem to matter most these days.

what i've learned this past week with the passing of our beloved brother dochi is that life is really too short. especially to have life end at 32. and that he should be a prime example of life and how people should be.

always happy.
always positive.

despite the hell he'd been through. he was always smiling and friendly.

we miss you dochi. ♥

in memory

dochi pham
1974-2006

i've decided...

on the subject of dating, that i'm taking the rest of the year off. no more dating. 2006 has been a horrendous year for me and i think it best if i just go solo for a while. after the break-up, the 22 y/o liar, two of my "so-called" friends hitting on me and others, i've had enough.

it's not that i won't stop "hanging" out with guys. it just won't be anything romantic. there's something i have that's also helpful. i like to call it the osoms, short for out-of-sight-out-of-mind syndrome. even when i was dating ted and since he was down south, i couldn't help but forget about him when i was out and about. i never cheated on him, i was just a little friendly is all.

with osoms, it feels like ted never happened. which is nice because he sucks.

omg, he lied!

back in april, i met this stanford grad student at popscene. he was really cute and pretty assertive. i remember asking him how old he was, as i always do. he said he was 26 and i remember thinking, good, that's one year older than ted. but the other day, i was on the stanford system (because i have access) and looked him up.

it turns out that he lied about his age. and is actually 22 y/o, not 26. that's 3 years younger than ted. 1983. i'm 9 years older than he is.

oh. my. god. i'm such a cradle robber!

congrats to new proud parents

welcome...

charlyse
lilia
celeste

born 31 august 2006 @ 4:31 am to proud parents, cousins debbie & roger
6.13 lbs, 19 inches, healthy & perfect!

congrats!! can't wait to see you guys!

dcfc

as mentioned below, here is a picture from the death cab show. a pretty good image considering i took it with my dinky camera phone!

new crush

so, there's this new guy at work. and apparently, we have similar taste in music. my manager told me stuff about him before i actually met him. i also corresponded with him via email and phone before we met in person. so, i had an idea that we listened to the same type of music. which is one of those non-negotiables for me...

he's sooo my type, which is actually really very bad. plus, he's a work colleague. i figure i could use him to get new music. kinda like how i want to use will.

anyway, i'm not so sure about dating these days. i think i just want to be single for a while ...

what was i thinking?

this may be a little mean but i prefer being brutally honest. its always so comforting to me when after a relationship goes wrong that the ex turns into this disgustingly gross slimeball of a human being and that his new girlfriend is just as repulsive.

i don't know what in the hell happened to him but i'm glad i'm no longer with him.

yikes!

happy 30th ben gibbard!!

venue: the greek theatre in berkeley (sold out)
artist: dcfc
who: betty, cousin lam & nina
when: 11 august 2006 (friday)
show starts at 7p

ok, i'm back dating. i wouldn't really be up this early on a saturday morning but i haven't been online for a while...

the opening bands were spoon and mates of state. i think we missed spoon but made it to mates of state. they seemed a bit 80's rock to me. but i've listened to some of their stuff and it's actually not bad.

i took pictures with my camera so i'll upload them shortly. the stage had props that were really visually appealing which we didn't get at the last show. if you've ever been to the greek in berkeley, you'll know that the acoustics is awesome. anywhere you sit gives you a pretty good view of the stage. there are tall trees surrounding the theatre so it feels really enclosed. they had these two little houses and these trees in the background that almost looked 3-dimensional. with the lights, it gave the impression of being in a forest. kinda.

the great thing about death cab is that they are just awesome live. it's almost flawless. and ben gibbard with his swaying. he really got into it too! he looks like he's shed some pounds. midway through the show, his band mate (don't know their names) announced that they were in the bay area 10 years ago on ben gibbard's birthday, 10 years ago that day. and that it was his 30th birthday! it was really a nice touch and for some strange reason, made the show even better.

lam & nina hadn't seen dcfc before and i know nina loves them. so, it was fun to go with them. great show. great company. awesome time.

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

congrats aileen & billy!

on saturday, i went to aileen & billy's wedding in redwood city. since my cousin debbie was doing aileen's make-up, i came along to get ready with the bridal party so i can get my hair & make up done too.

it was a lovely wedding. i got most of the ceremony with my canon powershot sd450. my hand was a little unsteady and tired and the video looks a little like the wedding version of the blair witch project. hopefully, people won't get nauseous when they watch it.
aileen is friends with my sister lisa. lisa was one of her bride's maids. but i also know aileen from ucsd. we all went to college together. it was like a mini-reunion. with almost the same small group of friends at hao's wedding last may.
after the ceremony, there was an open bar and appetizers. i had plenty o' bubbly. i was seated with bryan and kay as well as thao and her sister lily. much to my delight and surprise, the food was pretty good. and the dancing was highly entertaining.

i still remember clearly at lisa's birthday dinner in 2003. it was after dinner and we were at this bar/club. when aileen wasn't there, billy said to me that she was the one. and that he planned on marrying her. i love hearing that sort of thing from men. i think it's so rare that men are vocal about romance and love. and the fact that he followed through. it makes me really happy for aileen and billy. there's so much love in that relationship. as it should be. ♥

eye probing - graphic details

yesterday, i had my eye intubation surgery. the same one i had done last year. i didn't go into detail previously but perhaps i should have. i suppose i didn't think i'd have to go through it again so i didn't feel the need but in case you get queasy with details, i recommend you stop reading now...

they actually called me to come in earlier than scheduled since they had a cancellation. so i got there an hour earlier. i figured, i just want to get it over with. i didn't really think of it as surgery since it happens at the eye clinic as opposed to a hospital and i'm in and out in about an hour. i guess it's more like an out-patient surgery.

so, i get there and they are preparing me for the procedure. the nurse puts in drops of anesthesia in my left eye. it's already taking it's effect by the time the doctor comes in. then i lay down on the operating table. he sticks this tools into my left nostril (which apparently keeps it open to work in) and stuffs in this huge blob of cotton that's soaked in some sort of anesthesic fluid which goes down my throat a bit. it's really gross. and here is the part i didn't remember from last year, he gives me two injections in my eye!!! the nurse puts her hand on my arm, either to comfort herself or me, i wasn't quite sure which. now, everything is ready and he just has to put the tube through both tear ducts and tie them together. the tube goes into my lower tear duct just fine. it's really smooth. i can feel something being pulled through my eye & nose but it wasn't bad at all. however, the upper tear duct didn't turn out quite so simple. the tube got stuck somewhere. and he's pushing and shoving this tube through my eye. and he can't figure out why it's stuck. but all the pushing and shoving gives way and it goes through but then, he can't find the tube in my nose. after fiddling around with a q-tip in my nose, he sees the tube and ties it up. the last time, it was too tight so he's taking extra time to make sure the tension of the tube is just right. finally, i'm done and good to go. until my post-op follow up anyway.

the nurse hands me some dressing for my eye. i should of course, expect bleeding in my eye and nose. sure, people get bloody noses all the time, but i very much doubt it's as common for people to bleed through their eyes. it's really quite disturbing to see bloody tears. and if you haven't experienced it, i don't recommend it.

i also got some antibiotic drops for my eye. he says to put a lot of drops in today since my eye went through a lot of trauma. ugh. trauma in my eye. yikes.

i got home and couldn't do much despite the excitement of the kiddies to have me home all day. i took my nap around the same time they did. they woke up from their nap earlier than i did. they came back later and saw me emailing sometime before 7p. i hung out with them until 10:30p and crashed again. ugh, what an ordeal!

over and over...

venue: the independent (first time!)
artist: hot chip
who: betty
when: 01 august 2006 (tuesday)
doors open at 8p

last night, betty and i went to see hot chip at the independent off of divisadero. parking was horrendous. we couldn't find anything for the longest time. and finally, score! only one block away! it was almost rock star parking for that area. heehee.

after playing real-life frogger to get to the independent, we found the venue to be very charming. it was big but small. bigger than venues like cafe du nord and smaller than slim's and gamh. the first band... um, fabulous something, sucked. they had these two bimbos on stage with matching platinum wigs as well as voices and cheap dance moves as a poor distraction to their awful music. it was like a storm. random and noisy. the music was bad. the songs were bad. the lyrics were even worse. the band was just bad. next was some bobby something's solo set. while he was a lot better than the first opening, after two or three of his songs, we'd had enough. he was like a cartoon character. he had a great voice, reminded me of sondre lerche. but his style seemed better on a tv jingle than live before a band like hot chip.

i wasn't sure what to expect when hot chip came on. there were 5 guys and a ton of instruments on the stage. i couldn't really see, as usual, so i ask betty, who the heck is singing? just like the good friend she is as well as brilliant, she suggests i sit on top of the railing by where we were standing. my first attempt at hopping (it was pretty high up) was pathetic and a little embarassing. so, i put some effort into the next jump and made it! and what a difference! to be able to see a band like them. it was amazing. there are two singers, alexis taylor and joe goddard. alexis does most of the singing. he's amazing. he's the short one, looks really young and kinda cute and is crazy on the keyboards and guitar. joe is older and a bit of a fatty but his voice is deeper like damon albarn and compliments alexis's soothing vocals very well. they were so lively on stage. it was refreshing to see such energy. which of course was contagious. i looked down at the crowd and almost everyone is dancing! it was just like a dance club.
i'm listening to the warning right now and it's great but hearing it live is no comparison. everyone there felt the energy. they were gorgeously amazing.


rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (i've decided to start rating the shows with hearts. 4 ♥'s means i loved them and would see them again!)

the best irish car bomb ever!!

so if you've ever had an irish car bomb, you may or may not know that they are usually lit on fire. hence, the car bomb. but with the fire hazard, they won't/don't light them up anymore. some places won't make them because some retards have been chipping the glass when dunking the shot.

if you know me, you know that i looove car bombs. they are my drink of choice when dancing because it's a quick and substantial amount of alcohol i can dance off for a while if not hours. but of all the car bombs and of all the places i've had them, i've never had one lit on fire. until, i went to this gay club in west hollywood on saturday that we've decided to call corndog because it's so corny. it's actually called hotdog. they don't seem to have a web site i can link to.

back to the car bomb. it was me, kiki, and our friend jodargo there. his friend met up with us. we asked the bartender for car bombs and it was odd, he went to talk to another bartender about it. who sort of looked us up and down. straight, i gathered. so they say, yeah, they'll make us car bombs. they started them as usual. filled up half a pint of guinness and started the shots of baileys and whiskey. then, he brought out some barcardi (?) and topped off the shots with it. in addition, he put some barcardi in a separate glass. he told us to move back and by this time, EVERYONE is watching us. he dips his hand into the barcardi and lights it on fire! then he put his hand on the bar where our shots were and part of the bar is on fire! and he dunks our shots into the guinness pints and we down them. i don't know if it was the fire or what but it was the best tasting car bomb i've ever had. that was the only redeeming thing about that stupid club.

let's get out of this country

venue: great american music hall (ugh, the tenderloin)
artist: camera obscura
who: ro, lou & betty
when: 20 july 2006 (thursday)
doors open at 8p

betty and i got there a little late but didn't miss much. it was quite an adventure getting to the venue as we parked about 3 blocks away. the tenderloin is filled with freaks & crazies. camera obscura had just started their first song. romano & lou were at the hemlock tavern waiting for us. afterwards, we headed over to popscene.

i'd been listening to their new album let's get out of this country almost everyday since i got it. tracyanne campbell's voice is lovely. it sounds sweet and innocent, even a little angelic. the six member band is very dynamic. with instruments that include a trumpet. and it makes all the difference in the songs. they played most of the songs off of their new cd. i was very impressed with them. it was one of the best shows i've been to in a while.

i'm still impressed... would definitely see them again.

i now have video...

my lollipop head

recently, my nephew has been coming downstairs in the mornings (before i wake up) to see if i would play with him. most of the time, i'm still sleeping and i just tell him to be a good boy and go upstairs.

i've been thinking about it more. i want to try to get up earlier and spend some time with him reading to him. i think it's very important at this age that he gets this everyday. we could have breakfast together while doing this. i just hope i can wake up early enough. i'm going to have to make an effort. while he is not my child, he (as well as his sister) is the closest i have to having kids. i love them like my own. i think this is really important and it's something he needs right now.

i'll post progress reports... wish me luck!

anniversary sale

today is the first day of the nordstrom anniversary sale. so i went shopping this morning! despite the two and a half hours of sleep i got as a result of going dancing last night. i'm still doing pretty good. i think i'm still energized from popscene.

it was a mad zoo at the nordstrom valley fair store. i got there 20 minutes after they opened and i parked on the second floor of the parking structure. that never happens! it certainly didn't for the half yearly sale. there are all these things on sale that wasn't in the catalog! i saw people (mostly ladies) with arms full of clothing. it was a little scary. i decided to skip the clothes and head straight to the shoes.

i wasn't sure if this pair was going to be very comfortable but they were, surprisingly. so i got them. i got a pair of 4 1/2" michael kors platform pumps too. i'm still debating about them though. they are also dark brown. i've been on this dark brown color phase these days.

i made friends with two funny asian women who were checking me out in the michael kors pumps. they thought it was too high for them but it looked like they needed the height as much as i did. they would come by together or separately to ask my opinion about what they were trying. it was a lot of fun.

next was cosmetics for me. i'd put these two items on pre-sale so i had to go pick them up. my cousin is an assistant manager in the cosmetics department so i did my pre-sales with her. i got some other goodies in my bag too! yay!
my sister and i are going back tonight... nordstrom closes at 10p.

precious moments

last night, i came home late and wanted to see if my chunky & lollipop head (niece & nephew) were still up... and they were. my nephew says to me, i want you to have a baby so i can have a cousin to play with. omg. i don't know if someone put him up to it or not but isn't that the cutest but craziest thing?

later, i was getting ready for popscene and put some perfume on. then chunky says to me, you're yummy and asked if she could have some too. since she was going to bed soon, i told her i'd let her have some tomorrow.

i absolutely adore these babies. i don't even need to have children of my own as long as they are around. they give me so much love. ♥ ♥ ♥

back log - the 4th, blocked tear duct, & a baby shower!

4th of july

i spent independence day at muffin's new pad with sir gb. they had a grill going out on their balcony which is on a corner and faces the street. so there's no one next to you. it was quite nice actually. getting there was a little bit of an adventure as my friends(betty & gillie) & i got lost getting to her apartment. the food was very yummy and i met some cool new people i could go dancing with. heehee. all in all, it was a nice low key event. we saw some fireworks but it doesn't seem to impress me like it used to. i just wasn't interested. i think the food was distracting me. food or fireworks? food or fireworks? i took food.

thanks muffin! ♥ it was great fun.

eye update

it's been nearly a year since i had my intubation, i went back to the opthalmologist last week for a check up. i thought i was just going to have surgery and get it over with. but there were some problems... he said i had three options. they are:

1- some sort of balloon intubation where they stick a tube inside my tear duct that is blown up to stretch the tear duct. but he said that procedure almost never works. so, scratch that.

2- do another intubation. last year, the tube was too tight and rather than leaving it in my eye for a few months, it was there for a few weeks. initially, i felt drainage so i was excited that it was working. but the tightness created problems. my eye started to get infected and my tear ducts were getting stretched and droopy.

3- the last option is surgery. he'd open up the side of my nose and make an incision to try to stretch out my tear ducts. the problem here is that my condition isn't that bad. and apparently not ideal for surgery. if i went through it, i would end up with a scar on my face, which is likely to become infected since the area we are dealing with isn't sterile (my nose) and that would make the scarring worse. plus, it may not even work! ugh.

we talked it over some more and i decided on doing the intubation again. i don't think i posted in detail the whole procedure. i guess i said it didn't hurt but it really did. in fact, it was a bit traumatizing. although, now that i've been through it, i know what to expect and it may not be so bad the second time around. so, the plan is to leave it in for 4 months instead of 3 weeks. the procedure is scheduled for august 2nd. wish me luck!

my cousin's baby shower

this past sunday, my cousins (proud parents-to-be debbie & roger) had a baby shower. they are expecting a baby girl. it's very very exciting. they got married last september and were together for over 9 years before that! as they are still attached at the hips, they have been very much in love for the entire time. it's refreshing to see that kind of love still exists.

i was asked to make tiramisu and cream puffs and bring drinks. well, i was a little overzealous with the alcohol. i bought a case of champagne and two bottles were barely touched. i spent most of saturday (until well in the am) trying to finish baking the cream puffs (baking them in my mini convection oven was 30 minutes for every 9-10 cream puff, i made 40) and the tiramisu. which was a total disaster! i had total of ten tubs of marscapone cheese. out of the ten, only two was good. the rest came out curdled. i'd never been so frustrated at 4am before. on two hours of sleep, i woke up early to get more marscapone cheese to make at least a batch of it for the shower. out of the four, i purchased that morning, only two worked. so i had 13 single servings of tiramisu for about 30 people. oh well. thank goodnes for my sister who came over to help me finish up with the cream puffs. the custard didn't turn out for that so we put cool whip inside with strawber- ries. oh yeah, i cut my thumb (while cutting the strawberries) and smashed my index finger closing a door on it. all on the same hand. at least it was my left hand.

there were fun games, good food, and great people. kelly was also there for it. she sat with us in our "winning" table. each one of us (even though i was the last one to win something) got picked for prize from a game. i will post more pics when i upload them from my camera. despite everything, i had a wonderful time!

they are a lovely couple and i'm so very excited for them! congrats debbie & roger! i ♥ you both!!

adventures at kirala's

i'm posting late (sorry melissa!) because um, i was sick on thursday and have been super busy since...

last wednesday, we went on a ladies night out at this very yummy sushi restaurant called kirala. betty used to go there all the time when she lived in berkeley and she knows the owners. as well as everything to order.

as we are chowing down our scrumptuous food, i see, in the corner of my eye this really cute guy. he's in the kitchen somewhere and i see his face peek through the circular window. and he's such a cutie! i think i was pigging out on ice cream when i saw him watching me. i laughed as i caught his eye. and he returned my giggles with some himself. it was all very high school. which made it cute and obnoxious at the same time. one of the owners took me back to the kitchen to meet him but as soon as i got back there, he sort of ran away and hid from us. so, i went back to my seat. after exchanging more looks, the owner came over to me with a piece of paper. it had his name (ogi) and phone number on it. i sent back a piece of paper with my name and phone number. then we decided we were going to stop being annoying so we left.

on the way to the car, the owner was saying goodbye to us from a window above and ogi was with him. that's when we introduced ourselves. betty said it was like a scene out of a cheesy japanese movie. it was funny in a cutesy cheesy way. and we were off to the next adventure...

we end up at a bar in oakland. i can't remember the name. the bar had nice ambience. and jonna's friend charlie joins us. we were there for about one drink or so and decided we wanted to go dancing. so we head over to luka's. while en route, i get a phone call. it's ogi and it turns out he lives right by luka's. so we invite him to join us. about an hour or so later, he shows up with his friend agi. we find out that ogi is 24 and is from mongolia. he also speaks russian! but as luka's is closing, ogi suggests this korean karaoke place somewhere off of telegraph.

we get there and the karaoke is closed so we sit in a booth and drink. ogi & agi order 2 pitchers of beer and some alcohol. we have these sake-bomb-like drinks. so it's me, betty, joahnna, melissa, jonna, ogi and agi. and i remember having a forth shot but nothing much after that. apparently, betty said i had 6 or 7. which freaked me out because i wasn't sure what else i didn't remember. and um, i didn't remember the making out part. ugh.

i don't really remember much else but waking up in betty's spare room and being sick all day on thursday which wasn't so fun. :(

a carnival with the kiddies

last thursday, my sister invited me and the babies to her work family carnival. she took our nephew last year but as it was just the two of them and he didn't want to go on any rides, it was a bit boring. this year, chunky is old enough to go so we both took them.
we waited in line for... gosh, it could've been an hour or so, for this water ride inside this kiddie pool. and at the last minute, jaden didn't want to go. thank goodness chunky still did. but it only lasted a minute, she started looking very lost and then cried until she was taken out. i have it on video, it's actually quite hilarious.
the train ride was better. the line was shorter and it went faster. plus, lisa & i could ride in a train car with them. the train went in circles around the parking lot.
there was this huge pokemon where kids were playing inside. chunky kept saying poke! poke! and there didn't seem to be much of a line so we went over to check it out. it was okay. just a bunch of babies inside chasing balloons that were being blown by a fan. chunky seemed to really enjoy it. she wanted to stay even though our turn was over.

we took a food break after all this waiting and playing. they had hot dogs, soda, popcorn, beef taquitos, cheese & bean quesadillos, hummus, spinach dip with flat bread, meat balls in tomato sauce (random), egg rolls, and ice cream. we oinked out. it was fun.
jaden saw someone with a stuffed tiger so he decided he wanted one. we went to where they had them. it was this bowling game. it seemed kinda hard so i didn't want to play. i was sure i would've lost it for him. so, we had jaden play. the guy in charge was really nice. every pin that jaden hit, he gave him. he even gave jaden 3 extra balls to bowl. the last one was soooo close. it ricocheted off the side and hit the very last pin. and he got his white tiger.

afterwards, we took them up this high slide. actually lisa took them, i was in charge of taking pictures. but the battery in my camera died so i couldn't get one. i tried taking it with my camera phone but it crashed my phone. i had to restart the phone. then, the kids got their arms painted with flowers (for chunky) and butterflies (for jaden). i took a picture of it with my camera phone but it didn't come out.

everyone had great fun. can't wait for the one next year! thanks lisa!

like two peas in a pod

after the grad party, betty and i headed up to the city to meet up with her friend huy. we got there a little late but it was still hopping in the castro. i haven't gone on a saturday night in ages. it's been so long that i don't even remember the last time i went. we met up with huy and his friends at the bar. there was an event earlier in celebration of hunter's (huy's best friend) return from north carolina. he moved for school and is back. he's really cute and has this sweet southern accent.
between huy & hunter, they seemed to know everyone and anyone. we were stopped so frequently when we left the bar on the way over to another club/bar destination. what would normally take 5 minutes, took 10-15 minutes! i guess it didn't help that it was packed everywhere. there were gorgeous and friendly men everywhere we went! at the second club, we met keith and azul who we chatted up for a bit. the great thing about gay men is that they are totally honest (well, to straight women anyway), fun, hilarious and so complimentary!
despite having to work the next morning, i didn't look or notice the time. well, i couldn't because i left my phone in the car but, i never asked what time it was. afterwards, we went to have pizza. it really hit the spot. we ran into more of hunter & huy's friends there too. surprise, surprise. they saw us eating inside and came in to say hi. even though we'd only just met hunter, it felt like we'd known and hung out with him & huy for ages. it's no wonder they are best friends. they are both lovely. their friendship reminds me a little of mine with betty. it's so refreshing to meet new people like us, hahah.

spike's graduation party!

on saturday, spike had her long-awaited-not-quite-done graduation party. her parents dr. tom & kathy drove across the country to be with her on her special day.

there was a lot of good food, drinks, and 4 different cakes... mmm. i think the carrot cake was my fav. it was a lot of fun. nice to catch up with some people i hadn't seen in a while. both betty and i were happy to be a part of it. congrats muffin!

we ♥ you!!

finally, everyone is looking at the right camera. yay!

adventures in curling chunky's hair

fun fun fun

out celebrating with betty

when betty and i are together, we have too much fun. it started off at the village to celebrate the end of the school year teaching for her. we went to the village for drinks and dinner before heading out dancing. the strangest thing happened to us there, we sort of picked up on this guy, together. his name was sebastian and is from montreal. we asked him to come dancing with us. and he did. we never ever do that. play tag team in picking up men. he was such a cutie. he was so charming and friendly. maybe we couldn't help ourselves.

at popscene, he was even more fun. he danced with us all night, bought us drinks, and humored us with our paper-airplane-making games. will was there too but at first, he ignored us. not sure if he was trying to get us to go to him as he is always coming to us. he even walked right by us and didn't say a word. whatever will. eventually, he saw us and ended up in the vicinity of where we were. i guess his friends met up with him there so he was dancing with them. and after his friends had gone home, he finally came over and danced with us. i was a little intoxicated so i was jumping all over the place and jumping into will all over the place. i think he loves it. he loves the attention anyway.

it was so much fun. we might see sebastian again tonight. i'll have to bring my camera.

good news for coffee-addicted alcoholics...

i heard about this on npr this morning:

A study shows coffee may help offset liver damage caused by alcohol abuse. Alcoholics who drank more coffee were far less likely to develop cirrhosis. But researchers warn that coffee does not erase all risks of heavy drinking.

i guess i don't need to cut down on my coffee intake!

my new shoes

they are dark brown mary jane wedges with a 3 1/2 inch heel.
aren't they the cutest?

another 5am saturday

last week, it was the mediterranean dinner party with lou, ro, betty, johanna and gillie. the dinner started at 8p but i was up until 5a. needless to say, i slept in last sunday until gosh, i think it might have been 4p. i went to the village and had a nice chat with anthony until 1a that night.

this past saturday, it was me and betty with joe and his friend jesse. we were at the village drinking and being merry. but got kicked out by the new manager dan (anthony had gone home) and so we met up with joe and jesse at some dive bar. it was fun. after last call, we hung out in betty's car talking and listening to music. it was quite an adventure actually. not sure what time it was when we started heading over to joe's but i started fading at 5a and that's when we called it a night.

i woke up at 2p on sunday and met up with betty for a late lunch sometime before 4p. i stopped by the village to say hello to anthony. apparently, he'd been running around shopping for me for my "surprise" on tuesday. he said i was hard to shop for. um, ok. i'm dying to find out what the heck it is. betty knows but promised she wouldn't tell. she's good about secrets that way. damn her. (hahah, just kidding betty!) gosh, tuesday is already tomorrow! can't wait...

update

so, what happened last week that made my week so horrible?? well, for starters, one of my students attempted to commit suicide. i'm not sure if i want to say anything else but that she's okay and is going to take a leave of absence. i've been here for nearly five years and in all those years, i've never experienced this sort of thing. it was just too close to home. how does someone in their early 20's, who has her whole life ahead of her, think life could be so bad that it's worth ending? i just don't get it.

otherwise, things have been okay. i may be spending too much time at the village with my friend anthony. anyway, that's it for now...

an angel... sometimes

yesterday, after coming home from work (with a short nap on the train) and seeing my 5 y/o nephew, he says the sweetest thing to me...

you look pretty today.

it totally throws me off because i'm so used to his usual you look funny (accompanied by some giggles) comments about my appearance. since he was being so sweet, i decided i'd spend some quality time with him. so, we go downstairs to my apartment and as i'm cooking up some dinner, he says...

you look like an angel. and later says it again.

children are brutally honest that they really mean what they say. so i have no idea where all these compliments came from. maybe i was having a good hair day, i'm not sure but i know i wasn't used to him saying all these nice things. he's usually driving me up the wall. but he wasn't and it was really wonderful (considering the week i've been having, ugh, i'll post about it later).

he's a great kid and i love him to pieces.

voxtrot... my new addiction

i know i've already ooh'd and aah'd over them but i can't stop. i put one of their songs on my phone/mp3 player to listen to and i keep playing it over and over. this song, the start of something is like a really long smiths's song. you expect it to end half way through but it keeps going and going. it's really energetic and lovely at the same time. it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. and i want to break out dancing. anyway, i was thinking about them and how they have a couple of songs for downloads on their website. they have a couple of more songs to listen to on their myspace page. i listened to all of them, over and over. and can't get enough. so i went and ordered both their eps. i hope they come soon. i really need more to feed my addiction on.

they are so good. it's a bit refreshing. i can't get over how much i like them. it's so rare these days. i know there is good music out there but i'm always disappointed. nothing has made me stop in my tracks like this in such a long time. they seem so genuinely talented.

i wish we had gone to their gig at the bottom of the hill. that would have been awesome. oh well.

the start of something... voxtrot

venue: slim's
artist: elefant, voxtrot and some forgettable opening
who: betty
when: 27 may 2006 (saturday)
doors open at 8p

betty and i saw elefant on saturday at slim's. we were there for the first opening band but i can't even remember them because they were so unoriginal. they sounded grungey. it was very 90's. slim's was actually really packed.

the reason i like elefant is for this song called make up. it's a really sweet and romantic song. and unlike most of their other songs which are on the cheesy side. or, it's the way their singer sings them. he's such a drama queen. he sounds like he belongs in theatre. there are a few other songs i like on the first album but the second one hasn't grown on me yet. they were okay. betty remembered them from popscene ages ago. i don't. that's how it is with most bands i see at popscene, they are all forgettable. it's sad really.

speaking of forgettable, well unforgettable more like, surprise surprise. i found myself truly enjoying the second opening band. they were called voxtrot and are from texas. they introduced themselves as 80's revival which initially turned me off. but with every song they played, i was in jaw-dropping shock the whole time. i liked their entire set. i think i liked them better than elefant. they were just so cool and fun. i'm getting their cds! so, does that mean i like 80's revival? um...

after we heard make up, we decided to leave so we could hit the dance floor at leisure for a couple hours. it was after midnight when we left. we had less than two hours. despite the expected crowd disappointment, the music was still pretty good. and we danced our hearts out. it was so much fun. we always have so much fun.

good times...

it was a night of dancing non-stop (for me & betty, anyway) and vic trying to catch up with us. at the dna lounge last saturday in the city. the night was popscene vs. new wave city. the big dance floor was all 80's and the small room upstairs was the indie/brit pop room, which was a lot more crowded than the big room. they played oldies like send me an angel by real life and unbelievable by emf. aside from the gross 40 y/os and gigantic 6+ foot woman, we had a grand time.

afterwards, we got crepes from the crepe-a-go-go place we try to frequent after nights at slim's. it was yummy and the guys working there were hilarious. they wanted us to join in their dance party in the truck but we decided to have our own dance party out in front while waiting for our savory crepes. i didn't get home until after 3 and didn't go to bed until 5a as i was still buzzing from all the fun we had. my legs still ached yesterday from dancing but it was all worth it.

thanks for the memories (& the pics), vic!

observation

now that the sun has come out, sort of, open toe shoes (sandals, what have you) have come out. one thing though ladies, please, please, get out those callus stones/shavers/filers and home pedicure sets because if you are going to show off your feet, make sure they are presentable! trust me, people do look at your feet! and they are disgusting. sorry to break it to you but someone's gotta say it.

annual body scan...

my body scan for my thyroid cancer was this morning. i've been on a low-iodine diet since last saturday. and i think i've dropped at least 4 lbs. all i eat is fruit and veggies. i'm allowed up to 5 oz of meat/day. i'm always hungry. it sucks, i'm dying for a big piece of brie with crackers. ugh.

so here's what the scan entails:

early april, i see my endocrinologist with results from a recent blood test for my thyroid hormone levels just to make sure i'm ok in the medication department. then we schedule appointments for my thyrogen injections, I-131 pill and then the body scan. and i have to start this low-iodine diet 10 days before the scan.

22 april, i start my low-iodine diet. i buy a big container of fresh, pre-cut fruit from costco. then i pick up some fresh and frozen veggies from trader joe's. one thing, i can have alcohol! woo hoo!!

26 april, first thyrogen injection in the right upper butt cheek. i know, eek. but first, i get weighed and since the last time i was weighed (early april, see above), i'm 4 lbs lighter. i think it's the diet. i've cut out all processed foods. anyway, i go in to see my endocrinologist but i don't see him. i see him the next day so i don't have to pay my copay until the next time. nice. i have to stand on one leg and they inject the thyrogen in the side of the butt cheek of the leg i'm not putting pressure on. it hurts a bit and is sore for a while.

27 april, second thyrogen injection in the left upper butt cheek. so, i get these injections to trick my body into thinking i have no thyroid hormones in my body. that way, when i have the body scan, it doesn't detect the hormones and confuses it with cancerous thyroid cells. previously, patients were required to be taken off of the meds and went through hell. at least that's what i'm told. i never had to go through it. thank goodness.

28 april, 131 iodine pill. thyroid cells are the only cells in your body that absorb iodine. this body scan is specifically for thyroid cancer as it scans for iodine cells. basically, the iodine is like a dye that gets soaked up by thyroid cells. getting the 131 pill requires to fast starting at midnight the night before. oh and i had to go in for a blood test before the pill.

today, 1 may (can't believe it's already may), the whole body scan. i went in at 8a. they give me sour candy (lemon drops) to stimulate my salivary glands. then i lay down on the scan which they set up nicely with pillows and blankets. about 45 minutes or so, the top of the scan, which has these cameras in it, comes down about an inch from my body and scans my whole body very slowly. since i'm not allowed to move, i fall in and out of sleep during this time. after the body scan, my neck is scanned for about 10 minutes, then they put this plate beneath my head and scan me for another 5 minutes. finally, my nuclear medicine doctor reads the charts and tells me if i'm okay or not.

and today, i'm okay! two more years until i am cured! yay!

destroy everything you touch

venue: mezzanine
artist: ladytron
who: betty, lou, rich, ro, quyen, jen & jonathan
when: 28 april 2006 (friday)
doors open at 8p

this was the second time i saw ladytron live. the first time was at bimbo's during their first album tour. it was with pretty much the same group sans betty. i felt almost the exact same way... on a few hours of sleep from going to popscene the night before and dying because my heels were killing me. and it being very late. ladytron didn't come on until midnight or so. we left a little early and that was close to 1am. i was dead tired and glad i wasn't driving...

i forget who the opening band were, but that pretty much says it all. they were forgettable. that's better than saying they sucked, right? which they did. i would have so skipped them had they come up on my online radio station i subscribe to.

the night was supposed to be pretty interesting... ro and quyen who stopped speaking to rich and usually don't agree to go anywhere he'll be. but they did this time, so it was interesting how everyone would mesh. at first, ro didn't really acknowledge rich but later, they said a few words at each other, not necessarily to one another. i'm not sure that quyen said anything to rich. i didn't see anything interaction between them. it was a little disappointing but a good start, i suppose.

ladytron was good. there were two extra people on stage. betty mentioned she didn't know there were 6 people in the band, i thought there were just 4. apparently, they were from a different band on tour with them... or something. it was the first time for us at the mezzanine, bigger than we expected it to be. it reminded me of this club i went to in LA with joe & eric over halloween weekend last year. they did evil, that was a highlight. but i can't seem to remember the rest, aside from the overall exhaustion and my feet ablazed with pain. the show was pretty good but i prefer the smaller venues with seats and stuff.

betty's baaaack!

my partner in crime is back from china! i saw her at the gym last night and said enough omg's to pass as a 14 y/o (that's how old my gym instructor told me i looked but i'm sure she was joshin' me).

omg, omg, omg! i'm so excited! we're going to popscene tomorrow. i know i just went dancing with my sister the other night, but it wasn't popscene and popscene is in a category all on its own. besides, it's my cardio for thursdays. heehee.

come dancing...

i called my sister on friday to see if she wanted to come dancing with me in the city. she accepted and we caught up with each other. it was really nice. i realize how much i need her. she's my little sister after all. we were so close at one point, it's really sad that we started to grow apart...

tonight, we went to the fragrance fair at nordstrom. she hadn't seen our cousin debbie in a while so that was a nice mini reunion as well. we had a good time shopping.

yesterday, i started my low-iodine diet. for those who know me, i am having my annual body scan on may 1st for my thyroid cancer. i didn't have to really do the diet last year but i did it for the first year. the thing with being on a diet is, when you are restricted to certain foods, that's all you seem to crave. i am not allowed dairy products on my diet amongst many other things. but i so want some brie and cheddar. i've been eating so much fruit, i'm not sure it's good to have so much. luckily, i can have wheat bread (no white) of which i really enjoy. i've been eating wheat toast with egg whites. sounds yummy, doesn't it? i have 7 more days on this damn diet. good thing, alcohol is allowed. i'm still buzzing from the pinot grigio tonight. heehee.

so i keep going back and forth with the ex thing. i miss him but i don't and not in a pathetic way if at all. i'm leaning towards not. but my heart still flutters a little when i see a picture of him or when i hear his voice on the phone. it's funny, he told me once that my taste in music was so rare in a girl. i seem to be finding the same thing being rare in men i meet, which seems to be one of my top ten if not my top non-negotiable trait. oh well, moving on...

which transitions to the next topic very well. usually, i'm an optimist. and even an incurable romantic, if i do say so myself. but after going to happy hour with a work colleague and discussing life over a few drinks, he brought up a very interesting point. what exactly is love? as a romantic, it's something of passion and is unconditional. when you know you can't live without someone. that's love. but as i've experienced, you can pretty much live without anyone and everyone, but yourself. love seems to be a very misconceived notion. i think many of us want to believe that you can just live on love. but that's not so. you really have to work at it. if you don't, you don't have love. you get hate. and some other unnecessary evil emotions. i've always thought that if i really loved someone, we could always work things out. but it just doesn't work that way. it's a two way street. if one of you don't want to work things out, the relationship is doomed and love is non-existent. rafal (my work colleague) makes a very interesting argument. he says...
i know how it feels to like someone
i know how it feels to really really like someone
i even know how it feels to hate someone
but, how does it feel to love somone?
it's something that people like shakespeare created in his stories and poems.
despite being an eternal optimist, i couldn't help but agree with him. maybe one hopes that they know what it is to love someone. maybe it's something that slaps you in the face. or, it might be something that creeps up on you. i know that i feel love and i don't know if i can explain it. i just know i feel it. well, i hope that i do because i don't think i could really be myself, without feeling love for my life and my surroundings in which i am more than thankful for.

one last thing, to my partner in crime... happy belated (yesterday) 31st birthday betty!! miss you tons!

missing my pisa

i don't think i've really spoken to her since before her birthday in december...

swansongs

i've been listening to a lot of polak lately. i recently purchased their first album (out in 2000), swansongs. i got their second album when it came out in 2002 (i got it in 2003) and absolutely was addicted to it. the singer from polak was in the band adorable. he's got this really sexy voice. it's a little raw and a little dark. it's hot. and the songs are really deep and melodic. i loved adorable and still do. i always love polak. there are so many underrated bands out there, adorable and polak are two of them.

i seem to get into these phases... i am so in my polak phase right now where i just want to find out anything and everything i can about them. unfortunately, they don't have much out and i've got most of what's out there on them. bummer.

mee's going away

last saturday, april 15, i had my first dinner party in a really long time. i love to cook, especially for friends & family. i used to have these theme dinner parties during the mlk days. i almost forgot how fun it is.

the menu started with caprese. then there were three main pasta dishes, lasagna (of which the sauce i'd started making since noon and finished at around 4 or so), pesto, and carbonara. i used ground turkey in the lasagna and turkey bacon with turkey sausages in the carbonara. so, it's a little leaner than if i used the regular stuff. i also made some garlic bread. and for dessert, i made tiramisu with khalua, as always.

jackie is my former boss. she actually hired me. and connie is the one who convinced her to. so, i have the both of them to be eternally grateful to. they are also great friends to me. i no longer work with them but this is what we call our ips gang. jackie is married to rob. spiro & mee are former ips students back when jackie was the ips administrator, my previous position. anyway, the lot of them brought me flowers and ate my food with a full appetite. i could not ask for better guests. even little cena (she's 2!) was a gracious guest. may is her lovely mother and also expecting another little one.

mee is finishing up his phd in political science. he will return to thailand and work for their ministry of foreign affairs with his good friend netty (who was also part of our ips gang but finished up last year). i have known both mee & netty since i started at stanford nearly 5 years ago. it's hard to believe that mee is leaving. on the one hand, it's great for him and thailand. on the other hand, he will be missed very much. he's been a great friend to me over the years. i suppose i will just have to go to thailand to visit them both!