mancott unofficially over, i think?

um... it turns out that my mancott may be over a little early. i think this incident kinda makes it over, right?

christmas eve

we had our family christmas celebration at my parents' house on christmas eve so our brothers can spend christmas with their in-laws'. plus, it was my mom's birthday. we also had cousins tony and justin over. it was nice to see them. i haven't seen tony and his family in a while. justin was down from oregon sans his family. it was a nice and small gathering. tons of food. ugh, i stuffed myself silly.

it was a little bittersweet being with my family during christmas. i've spent the last two christmases in boston. although it feels like ted never happened (thanks to osoms), i enjoyed spending time with the parkers. especially his mother, paula. she and her husband (ted sr.) were both so nice and always hospitable to me. the last time i was there, paula told me that ted and i would have beautiful children. a little sad, isn't it? i never really said goodbye to them. honestly, i think it was because i never wanted to have to say goodbye to them. they are really good people. it still amazes me that ted could have come from that family. bygones.

anyway, i hope that everyone has a lovely and safe christmas!

Linda, you're single because you don't want to commit

um... so i took this test on tickle.com and here are my results:

Once the blush of first love wears off with your partners, do you get a little antsy? You probably crave excitement in all realms of your life, and you need a relationship to keep you filled with possibilities. Let us guess: Someone has probably told you that you haven't quite grown up yet, that you're still holding out for the perfect "whatevers" (job, car, home, date) in your life to come a knockin'. Or perhaps you're just having a difficult time accepting that your comfortable little place in this world is always growing, always evolving — and that means you have to be willing to accept big life changes, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that. After all, you're probably a lot of fun to be around and may be the life of the party.

But when it comes to settling down, you leave without looking back twice. Now's the time to ask yourself: Why? What's holding you back? Maybe you don't want someone to get to know you fully? Perhaps by saying "yes" to someone, you're afraid you'll lose yourself, or the possibility of something better coming along. Just remember that the best relationships are those that never stop growing. That's something you can identify with, right? So keep that in mind next time you find someone you're really comfortable with. You never know, it may prove even more exciting once you really get to know each other, teensy flaws and all.

surprisingly, it kinda makes me feel better about being single. not sure if i agree with the explanation above. at least the next time someone asks me why i'm not married or why i'm single, i can say, it's because i don't want to commit. hahah

monday events

*** yeah, yeah, i'm back dating again***

on monday, i had two events. . .

the first one started in the morning. it was my second opinion for my blocked tear duct condition. i met with an otolaryngologist (ear-nose-throat physician) to get an endoscopic dcr done on me. the initial procedure was the external dcr which leaves an unnoticeable scar on the side of my nose. i already have a few unnoticeable scars in my upper body. i'd really rather not have one in the middle of my face. would you? especially if there is a similar procedure that doesn't leave a scar.

anyway, so the ent doctor gave me his typical exam. he checked my ears (fine), my throat (fine), but my nose was a problem. apparently, i have a deviated septum in my left nasal cavity. and it's a little deviated in the right cavity as well. he sprayed my nose with the most distasteful anesthetic (i suppose they are all distasteful), then stuck this probe up my nose so he can take a look. i know, gross huh? hahah. so, he started with the right side, and it went up pretty far. so far that it made me tear a bit and without the help of my blocked tear duct, er, on my left side. when he tried the left cavity, apparently, it's so deviated that the probe couldn't move. ugh.

my doctor had asked me if any of the two opthalmologists that i'd seen told me what or why was the cause of my blocked tear duct. i couldn't really remember because, well, they didn't really say. i remember something along the lines of dirt. but it would have been years of dirt build up, hence, most of the patients with this condition are very elderly. then, he asked me about allergies. when did i get them. year round, i told him. and he asked me if i snore, um, i used to but i think i've got it kinda under control. i'm mostly sleeping alone anyway so who cares? i did not just admit to the public that i snore, did i? uh... back to the doctor, he said that this deviated septum could be the cause of one and all. that if we fix it, it could take care of everything, including the blocked tear duct! it would be like a one-stop shop, kinda.

the causes of a deviated septum are as follows:

getting punched/hit in the face;
trauma of some sort;
and being born that way, the septum never developed correctly, which turns out to be the case for me.

before scheduling the surgery, he wanted me to go on flonase and this other nasal spray for a month. he mentioned that might solve it. anything to avoid surgery. so far, it's helped with my breathing but my eye is still very teary. the air way in my left nasal cavity is barely breathable. it's strange that i never stopped to notice. isn't it? i suppose i was overcompensating with my right side. strange. so, i go back in a month to see him.

my second event was dinner with my work colleague. the so-called date, which proved not to be a date so much anyway. as it felt totally and utterly platonic. maybe some of you men can clue me in because i just can't seem to figure him out. and perhaps there's nothing to try to figure out. i guess that would be best, just not to think more about it than i have to.

we agreed to meet downstairs at around 6-6:30p. he showed up at my office at about 6p almost on the dot. maybe he was just waiting around, who knows? so we leave together and he drives us to the restaurant. here's some background info... basically, i told him about my brother's restaurant in downtown mt. view. he'd mentioned he liked this other place that was similar. so i said to him, hey, i think you might like it here. he said mt. view was a bit of a ways from home (sf) but that he had friends he hadn't seen in mt. view. the next day or so, slyly, i emailed him the web address and say, hey, if they can't go, i'll go. just let me know! and he did. he said it would be fun to go with me. heehee. there was some tiny bit of flirting going on in between the emails. but it ended with, sure, it would be fun to have dinner with you again. weeks passed and nothing else. finally, about two weeks ago, we were alone in the office after hours and having our somewhat usual-after-hours chat. as i was about to leave, he asked if/when we were going to have dinner? i said i would get back to him. that's the gist of the background.

back to 6p... this is when we started talking. and it continued to when we were at dinner. we talked about work, friends, life, family, love, events, mostly everything. he said that he was glad i was in the office. he said that a few times actually. he knew that i'd applied to a different position, (not sure i remember telling him this myself) but even though he knew i could run an office somewhere else, it might be nice that i stay a bit longer. it was endearing of him to say. isn't it? very sweet really. i don't quite know how i brought up ted, (i think i was saying how i never keep in touch with my exes), but i mentioned ted. and he asks me, was he the one you brought to last year's department dinner? i'm thinking, shoot, i don't remember you being there! i did in fact bring ted to last year's dinner. it's quite amazing that he remembers. that he might have noticed me back then. we ate and talked until nearly 10p. when he dropped me off at my car, we both said, that was fun... uh, bye. and that was it.

despite the lack of obvious interest the night before, he walked by my office about 10x on tuesday. going to the storage room, to drop something off in the students' mail box, etc. he didn't really say anything as he repeatedly walked by. just a smile here and there. i never see him that many times in a day without purposely trying to. this whole thing is really odd. after talking to lisa about it, she thinks he's got these new feelings for me. that apparently, he has no idea what to do with. not sure what to do with that. i suppose there's really nothing to do with it. so nothing, it is!

my lovely cousin

happy birthday caroline! i had too much fun. i can't believe you're already 22! where did the time go??

thyroid update

today, i saw my endocrinologist who takes care of my thyroid cancer. i only see him 4 times a year now. the first two years, i saw him about every other month. i have him to thank for a great deal of how i was able to deal with the cancer. he's an excellent physician, knows his stuff like the back of his hand, has great resources (like sending my biopsy samples to the guy that wrote the textbook on thyroid disease as well as sending me to my surgeon who left me with a barely noticeable scar - will post pics soon), and best of all, he calls me dear almost every time i see him. which if you haven't had to deal with any health issues is really comforting when it's needed most by someone you need it most from. the person taking care of you.

back to the update. my doctor recently got married, i can tell by the change in attitude. despite his previous slightly bitter regard on life (he used to give me advice about love and marriage when i was with ted), he seemed happier. plus, i saw that he was sporting a new wedding ring. anyway, he checked my levels, my weight, my neck to make sure nothing has sprouted out in place of my thyroid, and my breathing. he even checked my blood pressure even though his nurse took it before he came it. he never does that. he said i was in perfect condition for my condition. i guess i'm progressing nicely despite the stress i've taken on this past year. it's just so reassuring when you know that your physician genuinely cares about you while he is caring for you. makes me smile just thinking about it...

two more body scans (equals 2 more years) and i only get to see him once a year after that. :(

mancott conversation with myself

could i go on a date if i'm on a mancott? probably not.

perhaps, it's potentially not a date, just dinner with a work colleague. right?

dinner with a work colleague i'm attracted to isn't really a date. riight.

another year - the big 3-2

some random updates... and back dating...

a couple of weeks ago, after the beautiful south show, i did some research on my pending eye surgery. the procedure is called a dacryocystorhinostomy (dcr for short) and the one that my opthalmologist scheduled me for is the external dcr which involves an incision on the side of my nose. well, i've discover (thanks to the internet) that there is a endoscopic version of the dcr which is done through your nose and typically by an ent physician. some opthalmologists do both but apparently, mine does not, as he didn't not even mention the endoscopic dcr version to me. i'm guessing, he wants the business, obviously. damn greedy doctor. so, i've cancelled the dcr scheduled in december and on the same date, have scheduled an appointment with an ent to discuss my options for the endoscopic dcr surgery. it's bad enough that i'm constantly teary in my left eye but the prospect of having a scar right in the smack middle of my face is enough to try something new. actually, the endoscopic dcr has been around for over 25 years. and the success rates of both the endoscopic and external procedures are essentially the same. the external dcr success rate is only a little bit higher but there are more chances for side-effects and infection, not to mention that scar. and if the procedure guarantees a 50% improvement, so be it. anything is better than what it is now.

what else... my roommate is finally moving out. yes, i have a roommate. she moved in during the summer and is my sister-in-law's friend from high school going through her second divorce. i know, yikes. she's only 33. now that she is moving out, my sister is moving in. it's going to be nice to have her back in the house again.

and it looks like i have less than a month and a half until my mancott is over. maybe. depending on my mood, i think i might file a few extensions. who knows.

last but least, the big 3-2 years of age tomorrow. i've been telling everyone that i was 32 so it doesn't feel different. 31 is such an ugly sounding age anyway. yeah, i'm happy actually.

hot chip @ the mezzanine

venue: the mezzanine (completely sold out!)
artist: hot chip
who: betty
when: 17 november 2006 (friday)
doors open at 9p

this time, we arrived 2 hours late and luckily, hot chip had not started. there was an opening band that was horrendous. so much that i don't remember their name. actually, i rarely remember the opening bands. we were just dying for them to finish up already. the mezzanine is an interesting venue. it's pretty spacious and there is a second floor with private rooms that were occupied with parties. they closed off the areas but you could still get through. and we did. we found our spot right up there next to a private party. i kept thinking someone was going to tell us we couldn't be there. but surprisingly, no one was the wiser.

the stage at the mezzanine is much smaller than that of the last show at the independent. actually, the independent seemed much bigger and better than the mezzanine. not sure why i detest the mezzanine venue so much. i just do. since the stage is smaller, the band could not rock out to their full potential as we'd seen at the last show. in addition, there are these huge columns in the middle of the venue and granted, they are required to support the structure of the building, it's a major obstruction of view to the stage. i think it makes more sense that the mezzanine is a dance club rather than a concert venue. greedy and sucky bastards.

i don't know if it was the lack of stage space or my foul mood of being at the mezzanine that made hot chip lose a bit of their contagious energy. it was still a great show but just not up to par as that at the independent back in august. watching the 5-6 cramped men on stage trying to rock out while playing their synthesizers and miscellanous instruments, just wasn't ideal for everyone. especially the band. but they made the most of it and gave a great show, which i very much appreciated. plus, you can't beat a $12 show!

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

superb

venue: the fillmore
band: the beautiful south
who: betty
when: 11 november 2006 (friday)
doors open at 9p

once again, i missed the first part of the beautiful south show. this time, it wasn't a delayed flight. more like, a delayed friend. that's right, it was betty. assuming that there was an opening band, we arrived sometime past 10p. at least this time, it was only an hour later. i'm told we missed 20-30 minutes which isn't so bad except that the tickets cost $40 and there was no opening band and they only played for about an hour or so more.

otherwise, the show was awesome. paul heaton is brilliant. and so cute doing his little dances on stage. and utterly flawless in his singing. without any obvious effort as well. wish he would do some housemartin songs...

the new female vocalist sounded just like the one prior. they are both folky-sounding which give the beautiful south a more folky sound, unfortunately, that is. but i know i can't really blame the ladies for that. betty and i missed song for whoever which they played early on. bummer, that's one of my favorites by them. ugh, not sure what else we missed.

also, they did two encores! they left the stage and came back twice!! who cares about their fans that much? i've never seen that happen.

betty, if you are reading this, you know i love you... but you've really got to start doing something about this tardiness, i'm not sure how much more i can handle it.

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (despite missing the first half hour)

shop like you mean it

on wednesday (the first day of the sale), i got these brown suede ankle boots. i got these from my shoe guy at the valley fair store.
and on thursday, i got the black pumps at the stanford store. the evil sales guy brought out the brown ones too. i was tempted but said no. aren't they pretty??

that's right, voxtrot again

venue: great american music hall (gamh)
band: voxtrot
who: betty
when: 4 november 2006 (saturday)
doors open at 9p

betty and i had dinner tickets this time which guaranteed us a balcony seat. so, we sat right up front just to the left, and above the band. which was great for spying on people. somehow, in the dark, i found will in the crowd below us. with two girls. one seemed particularly close to him. turns out, that's his girlfriend. or some girl he's really close with. there was a lot of pda going on which tells me that the relationship is fairly new. no wonder he hasn't been to popscene. she wasn't particularly pretty either. and i'm not saying that because i'm jealous. well, i am but not of her. she was a little pudgy too. i've decided that i'm out of his league. judging from the women he has dated, i'm not assertive enough. and i actually care what i look like. which seems to go against the grain in the women he likes. oh well, his loss.

back to voxtrot... i forget the opening bands. magic bullets and someone else. i think will was distracting me during their set. voxtrot was exactly what i expected. three words to describe them: fun, amazing, energy. they were awesome. the set was longer. they played songs i hadn't heard. songs i wanted to hear. thinking about them makes me want to break out in a dance! their bass player looks a little like topher grace from that 70's show. he was totally rockin' out! and very fun to see that they like their music as much as i do!

i'm soooo glad i saw them again (3rd time this year).

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (loooved them)

update on my blocked tear duct

surgery. apparently, since the 2 intubations didn't work, the only thing left is to cut open the side of my nose, unblock the blockage, put some plates to keep it unblocked and close it back up. oh, and hope that it doesn't get infected so the scar is minimal. ugh.

i'm in the process of getting a second opinion. but i'm scared...

soft and warm

venue: 330 ritch (popscene)
band: voxtrot & love is all
who: betty & will
when: 2 november 2006 (thursday)
doors open at 9p

i first heard voxtrot back in may. they opened for elefant and blew me away. i couldn't even think straight or chat with betty during their set. i had to stop and listen. it was the strangest feeling. i never get that way about live music. it made me feel soft and warm all over.

last night, they played at popscene with love is all. we got there during the love is all set and didn't pay much attention as i was stalking ramesh (singer of voxtrot) without trying to be so obvious about it. he's actually a very little man. short and skinny but cute. not sure if i was successful. for some reason, he kept moving away. then we found will. ♥

voxtrot have 3 new songs. i got the cd single. and a cute shirt (will post pic of it later). very very exciting! it was a short set and we were close to the stage for once. i never care about bands at popscene. ramesh is cute, spunky, and full of energy. voxtrot is a great live band. not only do they sound awesome, they are awesome. they are fun and happy on stage. it's refreshing to see a band not just stand there and play.

can't wait to see them at the gamh tomorrow!

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (obviously)

coercive child-begging

on halloween, i went trick-or-treating with my brother, sister-in-law and their two kids. it's been ages since i've gone. i think the last time i went was for myself. and that was probably middle school for me. while i was probably too old for it, i still looked like i was 10. i remember filling up my pillow cases with candy. halloween was as good as christmas.

it's such a shame that halloween has been ruined for the kids these days. all the hooligans, freaks and psychos out there preying on poor innocent children. i remember the streets being full of kids in cheap plastic costumes with those hard-to-wear-masks. the costumes now are so much better than they were back in the day. and having gone again after nearly 20 years, i was pleasantly surprised to see people still in the mood to scare children, in a good way.

we had dinner in mountain view so we went to the neighborhood next to castro. the first house we went to had no candy. she gave the kids quarters. she said that they never got trick-or-treaters. so we moved on to a different neighborhood. the older the homes, the better. we came to one house where superman answered the door. then he called out for wonder woman to come see the trick-or-treaters. lo and behold, it was both wonder woman and superman! harry potter was so in awe, that he was totally speechless and forgot to say the 3 magic words. it was awesome.

as for me, after walking in 4 inch heels all day and night, i was ready to call it a day. while my brother and sister-in-law took the kids to grandma & grandpa's house, i went home. to do some ironing.

what a wild night. hope everyone had a fun halloween!

this morning

i was on the train heading to work when we stopped in sunnyvale, i see this couple rushing to get a train ticket. then they give each other a quick kiss goodbye. the girlfriend gets on the train and the boyfriend is standing there seeing her off. he finds her at her seat and is waving to her in the most gay way possible. if i didn't see them together, i would have guessed he was totally gay. while watching him wave at her, he does this catching gesture as if she'd blown him a kiss and put it in his pocket. it made me to want to barf. which made me think twice whether i can claim to be an incurable romantic. i mean, this is just pure cheese, isn't it?

maybe i'm just bitter that none of my boyfriends have seen me off on the train and caught pretend kisses i supposedly blew at them. and cliff, doesn't really count when he used to see me off at the bart station. we weren't officially together back then. lame.

confirmed distraction

i so have a crush on one of my faculty. the older one. even though, he has the same first name as my brother, not to mention is the same age. weird, i know. isn't it? the long hair is kinda weird too but since he ties it back, it gives the illusion of short hair (right muffin?). anyway, i was chatting it up with him the other day. he just gets nicer and cuter. ugh. still on my mancott though. oh well.

i was thinking about ted today. about whether i loved him or not. i don't think i did. i wanted to so badly because i didn't want douglas to be the only one i said those 3 words to. lame. i was talking to my sis-in-law the other day about douglas, how she thought he was in love with the person i am now, how i am single. strong. slim. fun. when i'm in a relationship, i'm this pathetic useless person. and a fatty. totally lame. how do i stop myself from becoming that girl again? stay single. i think that's the answer.

the warfield after a 4 year hiatus

venue: the warfield
band: clap your hands say yeah & architecture in helsinki (2nd opening)
who: betty, lou & ro
when: 13 october 2006 (yep, friday the 13th)
doors open at 7p

the last time i was at the warfield was the travis show in... i think it was 2002 because i was still "friends" with smella. and um, still with cliff. i still have the travis cd he sent me prior to going to the show. anyway, bygones.

i discovered aih while listening to my musicmatch radio. i forget which band i put in. it was probably hot chip or death cab. i put a couple of aih's songs on my wishlist to download. later, i just put all their songs i could listen to on my playlist. this was before i found out they were opening for cyhsy. when tix went on sale for cyhsy and i saw that aih was opening for them, i was uber excited!

when they first came on stage, i didn't know it was them. i thought it was the first opening band. we got there sometime before 9p and didn't think they had started. the first song was really noisy and very 80's, in a bad way. there was all this energy on stage, reminiscent to the hot chip show. the second song was one that i recognized and i had this look of shock on my face when i realized it was aih rather than the sucky first band (who may not have sucked at all since we missed them) we assumed them to be. the band members all switched off playing different instruments and took turns singing. it felt like a theatre production. a musical of some sort. it was the coolest thing. they were so engaging and fun.

they even embraced friday the 13th by bringing a mirror onto the stage and breaking it. as well as opening up an umbrella though it took cameron bird a while to get it open. it was quite entertaining. he read some story during the whole thing.

rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ (loved them!)

after aih, we were totally hyped up for cyhsy. but they weren't as good. they were a little boring. the lead singer, alec ounsworth was totally bored singing all the old songs. and actually, we were bored with him. i felt sleepy in the middle of their set and before they could come back for their encore, we decided to scram. that was enough disappointment for me. and many others as we all rushed to leave the warfield.

rating: ♥ (that's right, one ♥)

superbi

the beautiful south has a new album called superbi. their last album came out in 2004 but i didn't pay much attention as there was no tour. well, not to my knowledge. i've only ever seen them play once and it was in 2000. at the time, i lived in san diego. i flew up to the bay area for the show. there was a storm and my flight that was supposed to have left at 4p (the show started at 9p), was delayed so late that i missed half of the show. despite the ordeal getting there, the half of the show i did catch was awesome.

with a new album in tow (and on its way to me via amazon), they are scheduled to play at the fillmore (again) on friday, 10 november. they are only playing 4 shows in the states so this is very very special. i read somewhere once that they would play more shows in the states, except, it actually costs them money to play here so they don't come very often.

as you can imagine, seeing them live is not only very exciting (for me) but an extremely rare event as well.

google-stalking again

this time, i google-stalked myself. and after filtering through countless women with the same name, i came upon this link. if you go down to 30 august, you'll see my name amongst many who won a new order contest. i think i actually still have the t-shirt? not sure, it was too big. i meant to give it away to louis. i hope i did!

anyway, it's kinda random but cool. i keep forgetting that i did that. hahaha.