mancott unofficially over, i think?

um... it turns out that my mancott may be over a little early. i think this incident kinda makes it over, right?

christmas eve

we had our family christmas celebration at my parents' house on christmas eve so our brothers can spend christmas with their in-laws'. plus, it was my mom's birthday. we also had cousins tony and justin over. it was nice to see them. i haven't seen tony and his family in a while. justin was down from oregon sans his family. it was a nice and small gathering. tons of food. ugh, i stuffed myself silly.

it was a little bittersweet being with my family during christmas. i've spent the last two christmases in boston. although it feels like ted never happened (thanks to osoms), i enjoyed spending time with the parkers. especially his mother, paula. she and her husband (ted sr.) were both so nice and always hospitable to me. the last time i was there, paula told me that ted and i would have beautiful children. a little sad, isn't it? i never really said goodbye to them. honestly, i think it was because i never wanted to have to say goodbye to them. they are really good people. it still amazes me that ted could have come from that family. bygones.

anyway, i hope that everyone has a lovely and safe christmas!

Linda, you're single because you don't want to commit

um... so i took this test on tickle.com and here are my results:

Once the blush of first love wears off with your partners, do you get a little antsy? You probably crave excitement in all realms of your life, and you need a relationship to keep you filled with possibilities. Let us guess: Someone has probably told you that you haven't quite grown up yet, that you're still holding out for the perfect "whatevers" (job, car, home, date) in your life to come a knockin'. Or perhaps you're just having a difficult time accepting that your comfortable little place in this world is always growing, always evolving — and that means you have to be willing to accept big life changes, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that. After all, you're probably a lot of fun to be around and may be the life of the party.

But when it comes to settling down, you leave without looking back twice. Now's the time to ask yourself: Why? What's holding you back? Maybe you don't want someone to get to know you fully? Perhaps by saying "yes" to someone, you're afraid you'll lose yourself, or the possibility of something better coming along. Just remember that the best relationships are those that never stop growing. That's something you can identify with, right? So keep that in mind next time you find someone you're really comfortable with. You never know, it may prove even more exciting once you really get to know each other, teensy flaws and all.

surprisingly, it kinda makes me feel better about being single. not sure if i agree with the explanation above. at least the next time someone asks me why i'm not married or why i'm single, i can say, it's because i don't want to commit. hahah

monday events

*** yeah, yeah, i'm back dating again***

on monday, i had two events. . .

the first one started in the morning. it was my second opinion for my blocked tear duct condition. i met with an otolaryngologist (ear-nose-throat physician) to get an endoscopic dcr done on me. the initial procedure was the external dcr which leaves an unnoticeable scar on the side of my nose. i already have a few unnoticeable scars in my upper body. i'd really rather not have one in the middle of my face. would you? especially if there is a similar procedure that doesn't leave a scar.

anyway, so the ent doctor gave me his typical exam. he checked my ears (fine), my throat (fine), but my nose was a problem. apparently, i have a deviated septum in my left nasal cavity. and it's a little deviated in the right cavity as well. he sprayed my nose with the most distasteful anesthetic (i suppose they are all distasteful), then stuck this probe up my nose so he can take a look. i know, gross huh? hahah. so, he started with the right side, and it went up pretty far. so far that it made me tear a bit and without the help of my blocked tear duct, er, on my left side. when he tried the left cavity, apparently, it's so deviated that the probe couldn't move. ugh.

my doctor had asked me if any of the two opthalmologists that i'd seen told me what or why was the cause of my blocked tear duct. i couldn't really remember because, well, they didn't really say. i remember something along the lines of dirt. but it would have been years of dirt build up, hence, most of the patients with this condition are very elderly. then, he asked me about allergies. when did i get them. year round, i told him. and he asked me if i snore, um, i used to but i think i've got it kinda under control. i'm mostly sleeping alone anyway so who cares? i did not just admit to the public that i snore, did i? uh... back to the doctor, he said that this deviated septum could be the cause of one and all. that if we fix it, it could take care of everything, including the blocked tear duct! it would be like a one-stop shop, kinda.

the causes of a deviated septum are as follows:

getting punched/hit in the face;
trauma of some sort;
and being born that way, the septum never developed correctly, which turns out to be the case for me.

before scheduling the surgery, he wanted me to go on flonase and this other nasal spray for a month. he mentioned that might solve it. anything to avoid surgery. so far, it's helped with my breathing but my eye is still very teary. the air way in my left nasal cavity is barely breathable. it's strange that i never stopped to notice. isn't it? i suppose i was overcompensating with my right side. strange. so, i go back in a month to see him.

my second event was dinner with my work colleague. the so-called date, which proved not to be a date so much anyway. as it felt totally and utterly platonic. maybe some of you men can clue me in because i just can't seem to figure him out. and perhaps there's nothing to try to figure out. i guess that would be best, just not to think more about it than i have to.

we agreed to meet downstairs at around 6-6:30p. he showed up at my office at about 6p almost on the dot. maybe he was just waiting around, who knows? so we leave together and he drives us to the restaurant. here's some background info... basically, i told him about my brother's restaurant in downtown mt. view. he'd mentioned he liked this other place that was similar. so i said to him, hey, i think you might like it here. he said mt. view was a bit of a ways from home (sf) but that he had friends he hadn't seen in mt. view. the next day or so, slyly, i emailed him the web address and say, hey, if they can't go, i'll go. just let me know! and he did. he said it would be fun to go with me. heehee. there was some tiny bit of flirting going on in between the emails. but it ended with, sure, it would be fun to have dinner with you again. weeks passed and nothing else. finally, about two weeks ago, we were alone in the office after hours and having our somewhat usual-after-hours chat. as i was about to leave, he asked if/when we were going to have dinner? i said i would get back to him. that's the gist of the background.

back to 6p... this is when we started talking. and it continued to when we were at dinner. we talked about work, friends, life, family, love, events, mostly everything. he said that he was glad i was in the office. he said that a few times actually. he knew that i'd applied to a different position, (not sure i remember telling him this myself) but even though he knew i could run an office somewhere else, it might be nice that i stay a bit longer. it was endearing of him to say. isn't it? very sweet really. i don't quite know how i brought up ted, (i think i was saying how i never keep in touch with my exes), but i mentioned ted. and he asks me, was he the one you brought to last year's department dinner? i'm thinking, shoot, i don't remember you being there! i did in fact bring ted to last year's dinner. it's quite amazing that he remembers. that he might have noticed me back then. we ate and talked until nearly 10p. when he dropped me off at my car, we both said, that was fun... uh, bye. and that was it.

despite the lack of obvious interest the night before, he walked by my office about 10x on tuesday. going to the storage room, to drop something off in the students' mail box, etc. he didn't really say anything as he repeatedly walked by. just a smile here and there. i never see him that many times in a day without purposely trying to. this whole thing is really odd. after talking to lisa about it, she thinks he's got these new feelings for me. that apparently, he has no idea what to do with. not sure what to do with that. i suppose there's really nothing to do with it. so nothing, it is!

my lovely cousin

happy birthday caroline! i had too much fun. i can't believe you're already 22! where did the time go??

thyroid update

today, i saw my endocrinologist who takes care of my thyroid cancer. i only see him 4 times a year now. the first two years, i saw him about every other month. i have him to thank for a great deal of how i was able to deal with the cancer. he's an excellent physician, knows his stuff like the back of his hand, has great resources (like sending my biopsy samples to the guy that wrote the textbook on thyroid disease as well as sending me to my surgeon who left me with a barely noticeable scar - will post pics soon), and best of all, he calls me dear almost every time i see him. which if you haven't had to deal with any health issues is really comforting when it's needed most by someone you need it most from. the person taking care of you.

back to the update. my doctor recently got married, i can tell by the change in attitude. despite his previous slightly bitter regard on life (he used to give me advice about love and marriage when i was with ted), he seemed happier. plus, i saw that he was sporting a new wedding ring. anyway, he checked my levels, my weight, my neck to make sure nothing has sprouted out in place of my thyroid, and my breathing. he even checked my blood pressure even though his nurse took it before he came it. he never does that. he said i was in perfect condition for my condition. i guess i'm progressing nicely despite the stress i've taken on this past year. it's just so reassuring when you know that your physician genuinely cares about you while he is caring for you. makes me smile just thinking about it...

two more body scans (equals 2 more years) and i only get to see him once a year after that. :(

mancott conversation with myself

could i go on a date if i'm on a mancott? probably not.

perhaps, it's potentially not a date, just dinner with a work colleague. right?

dinner with a work colleague i'm attracted to isn't really a date. riight.